In preparing myself for college I was fortunate enough to have mentors who greatly cared about me and my ability to succeed outside the scope of high school. Many a class period was spent learning how to read campus maps and learning how to actually utilize collegiate libraries and writing centers. Though nothing could have prepared me for the difficulty surrounding the relocation of my three best friends. For someone such as myself, where friends are quite literally family, a lot of time was dedicated to being worried about them moving 500 miles away. Which meant that too much time was lost embracing their presence. Too much time was lost trying to record their laughs, and not enough time was spent laughing until our stomachs ached. Not enough of me embraced the ease of calling them up to get lunch, and expecting their arrival within fifteen minutes rather than fifteen weeks. So here I was bracing myself for the inevitable moves, yet somehow the reality I faced was still nothing I had prepared for.
The first move came a few weeks before I actually started school. The night came with a lot of emotions. In trying to prolong the inevitable I wrote a letter to my friend and got pastries from Harmon’s because that somehow seemed like the right thing to do? As the night drew to a close I handed him the letter I had wrote him and began to break down crying. He and our other friend were so unsure what to do with me that they eventually began to discuss politics. Looking back on it, it was an odd way to share in my uncertainty and discomfort. Though frankly nothing could have been more fitting. This is precisely what I treasured so much about this relationship, it was all the peculiarities that made it so special. It wasn’t always that way, it took so much time to build it up to something that was worth crying over. I’d gone from hating him, to being his debate partner, to calling him one of my best friends, and eventually friends that lived 500 miles away from each other. My concern in regards to him leaving stemmed from how we communicated with one another. Face to face interaction was so important and simply texting made it difficult to actually read the other person. This isn’t normally a problem otherwise, I did say this was an odd relationship. I was so concerned that I was going to lose touch with one of the most important people in my life because we have an inability to carry conversation over text. After a few weeks of settling into our new lives the phone calls began. Always at odd times of the night(because college is not a fan of natural circadian rhythms) and often lasted over an hour. While they weren’t face to face interactions, it was as good as it was going to get. I was so reassured in knowing that despite the drastic changes we had both undergone our mutual support and respect went nowhere.
I then had to send off my half-sister, who’s not actually my half-sister. My dad just likes calling us that because we are so similar and we both happen to have dark curly hair. I didn’t cry this time because I was dry from before. Nor was I nearly as concerned about losing touch with her. I mean we texted every day even while she was living in the same state as me. In this case I just felt that I was losing a part of myself. She had seen me through a lot of really crazy times and was there for a lot of huge milestones, I mean we worked at the same place for god sakes. It’s rare to find such a gem in this world. The hardest thing for me here was going from seeing her six days a week to only on the holidays. Obviously we didn’t stop talking everyday, but not seeing her at work and hearing her effervescent laugh regularly was surprisingly challenging. Out of the three of my friends who moved to California, I had known her the least amount of time. However with the both of us being C.N.A’s and wanting to work in the medical field there was a unique bond. We shared in the grief of losing a resident, frustration over seemingly impossible calculus equations, and the euphoria of listening to good music with good company. The part of me that stored all of those emotions was the same part that feared the loss of something distinctly beautiful. Though we still share in the grief of lost residents, frustration over microbiology, and mutual bonding over good music. It’s just been adapted to fit in our current circumstances
This last farewell was probably the most complex. Again, I wasn’t worried about losing touch with her. I simply feel unbalanced without her. We had enough separation anxiety during our breaks in high school. I don’t think either of us really wanted to know what that would be like when we were in different states. She’s known me the longest, and has seen me through a lot of odd and strenuous times in my life. She was actually still even there for my first day of college! As a matter of fact I think I met up with her before I even told my parents about how my first day went. Our relationship is also quite confusing, because in a lot of ways we’re the complete opposite of each other. Nonetheless we’ve managed to balance each other immensely well. Her passion and impulsivity has pushed me to do a lot, while my logic and analysis has managed to keep her grounded. Despite her having given me several heart attacks as she has a tendency to pass out, I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Which is precisely why her moving was so difficult. It was a massive change that I had no control over, and I was not ready to not have her here when I needed her. Granted she’s still been there for me no matter what, she can’t scratch my back in class, or hug me when I couldn’t muster the words to explain my sorrow. Yet she’s consistently been one of my biggest cheerleaders and the perfect counterbalance.
So to my friends, thank you. Thank you for forcing me to adapt. Thank you for giving me faith in humanity again. Thank you for listening to me bawl when I thought things were my fault, even though they were out of my control. Thank you for the long phone calls. Thank you for constantly keeping me motivated, and letting me to rant to you about sundowning. Thank you for the weekly FaceTime sessions. Most importantly, thank you for sticking by my side. There aren’t enough words in the world to express my gratitude and love for you. Thank you endlessly.
Image Source:
Sunrise: https://images.pexels.com/photos/697243/pexels-photo-697243.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&h=350
Jumping: https://s-i.huffpost.com/gen/813511/images/o-FRIENDSHIP-facebook.jpg
Gif: https://media1.tenor.com/images/fa93144c2eea538bc7ee7c83f6dae495/tenor.gif?itemid=5649009