Self-love is a complicated topic. Some people will slap on a face mask or throw a bath bomb in the tub and post on social media that it’s ‘self-love.’ Although we’re mostly teasing or doing it for the aesthetic purposes, self-love is something way more complex and not always as aesthetically pleasing as a face mask or bath bomb.
Growing up, everyone goes through the self-loathing period (I don’t trust people who say they haven’t). Some of us struggle with the concept most of our lives, as I have. One day you might think you’ve got it and you’ve finally figured out the trick then the next you’re doubting yourself and caught in the midst of self-loathing. Not to mention dealing with mental illness can add all new effects to this process. The process of falling in love with yourself is not an easy one. It can take years and a lot of work. It also isn’t very pretty, for a lot of people that can mean some serious changes, hard ones at that, to be able to get to the place they want to be by undoing destructive habits they never shook. I constantly wonder if it’s true that no one can truly love us until we love ourselves.
If you ask most people they’ll lie to you and say “of course I love myself,” but how many of those people ACTUALLY mean it? I’m going to go out on a limb and say although most of us would like to say we love ourselves it’s still a process for everyone and an exploration you’ll have to be dealing with their whole lives. Sure, there are others out there who are more comfortable with themselves than others but the process of loving yourself is just like a relationship with a partner. In a partnership, you don’t just decide you love them and that’s it, you work on things every day, same goes for self-love. It’s a relationship you have with yourself, you have to put in care and work almost every day to stay happy and connected with yourself.
Self-love and lack of it can affect romantic relationships and very drastically at that. I’ve never known a relationship to survive with a partner that claimed to dislike themselves. I’ve been in a lot of failing relationships and most of them had to do with one of us not fully loving or being comfortable with ourselves. It’s a sad concept, but over the years I’ve become more accustomed to believe that the saying is true. How are we supposed to let others love us and see the best of us if we can’t do that ourselves? We’ll just be perpetuating those negative feelings we feel about ourselves onto the other person.
Although I wish it was as simple as slapping on a face mask or going on a shopping spree to find self-love, it’s a day to day act of mindfulness that you have to get in the habit of. Do things for yourself, don’t be afraid to say no, don’t be afraid to say yes, invest in yourself, and although it might be hard, remove people from your life if they’re not building you up or are just there because you don’t want to be alone. This is something I’ve learned recently and although some days it sucks I can feel it paying off in the long run. These all are investments in yourself and your life. Although it might be hard for the time being, it’ll eventually pay off.
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