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My Boyfriend is Hot, and so is He: Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy: the green-eyed monster we all know and love to hate. It makes an appearance when we see a new name flash across our SO’s phone screen. We feel it when a passing eye lingers on the pretty blonde across the way. And for some, this little green monster never seems to go away—anyone and anything could be a threat to the relationship. While some might say that this jealousy is a clear sign of insecurity, others might propose that jealousy is a natural and inevitable part of a relationship and may even be a sign of love. While the jury is still out as to where jealousy really comes from, I believe the more important question to ask is if any jealousy, at all, is justifiable.

Though it is undeniable that everyone gets jealous from time to time, what happens when little moments of this supposedly “innocent” jealousy becomes a much bigger problem? If let our significant others be jealous over exes now, might this jealousy now grow into jealousy over coworkers, and best friends, and even the Target cashier later? Personally, I have never been the “jealous type,” because quite honestly, I see no benefit in behaving that way. While I understand that people cheat and people wake up in the morning and fall out of love with their partners, I see no use in worrying about these maybes and the what ifs. Sure, there very well may come a day where my boyfriend might see another woman as a better-suited partner—but policing his text messages, searching his DM’s, and monitoring who he hangs out with will act as no preventative measure towards this. If he wants to be in love with someone else, there is very little I, or jealousy, can do about it.

While I understand that many would prefer their significant others’ ex to be a distant memory, rather than someone they hang out with on the weekends, our partners are not our property, nor are they our children. We may be able to express our concerns and communicate our insecurities, but we, in no way, have control over our significant others’ actions. A relationship in itself is a sacrifice of control, and a leap of faith, one that leaves no room for jealous rages.

And sometimes, quite laughable people take this relationship jealous to whole new levels when they  refuse to gawk at their celebrity crushes, or comment that, in fact, that girl in the grocery store is pretty, in fear of upsetting their boyfriend or girlfriend. I mean, after all, isn’t it foolish to suppose that once you assume the label of “taken,” that all your attractions to the outside world disappear? And just to clarify—no, I don’t believe cheating is okay in any circumstance. All I am saying is that, yes, we are humans. I know that my boyfriend still checks out other girls, and admires the occasional Selena Gomez photo; but, at the end of the day, I know that he loves me no less. Just as when I comment on the shirtless leading man in a movie, it does not mean that I find my boyfriend any less attractive. Simply put, my attraction to other men simply does not take away from the love I have. Just because I point out that the barista at Starbucks is cute, does not mean I want to pursue a relationship with him, nor does it mean that I value my relationship any less—it just means the barista at Starbucks is cute.

However, this place of complete security and confidence in a relationship is not always an easy place to reach, but rather, a strenuous journey. But as you might expect, that green-eyed monster might not make as many appearances in a secure and safe relationship. So if jealousy becomes a growing issue in your relationship, might I suggest that you ask “is this person really meeting my needs, and giving me the reassurance I want” before you ask “who is he texting” and “why is he hanging out with that girl?” Because at the end of the day, if your relationship safe and secure (as if should be), you’ll find yourself with no reason to be the “jealous type” after all.



Editor-in-chief of Her Campus Utah - Double major in English and Gender Studies - Lover of Oxford comma, hater of patriarchy. 
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