I'm Not a Virgin, But I'm Saving Myself for My Partner

I am the sex columnist. I am the woman who spends hours on Cosmo reading about the latest sex trends and positions when I should be doing my homework. I am the person who researches tantric sex for fun. And, as of recently, I am also the woman who decided that the next time I have sex will be with my future husband.

I know what you’re thinking, “wow another tale of a woman who found God, ditched her life of sexual shenanigans, and purified herself for the two most important men in her life: Jesus and a future spouse. How original.” But that is far from the case. I have read more Cosmo articles than I ever have Bible verses, and have never considered myself religious. Sure, there were times that I believed that a God was out there watching over me, but I surely never believed that He was looming over my bedroom ceiling critiquing me for having sex with people I loved.

So why might I have made such a decision, if there was no church leader, or bible verse prompting me to? And to be quite frank, it’s a decision I go back-and-forth with every day. I love sex. I love how it makes me feel. I love how empowering great sex can be. Most of all, I love how sex can bond two people in love. So why give it up?

And the answer to that lies simply in the fact that I love sex so much, that I am not willing to give it up to just anyone. Because it empowers me as it does, and because I have spent a great deal of my time on researching the very intricacies that make for great sex, I understand that my body is not something I can comfortably hand over to anyone who doesn’t intend to put in just as much effort and love as I do. It has simply taken this time for me to realize that I just may not have the emotional capacity for one night stands or sex outside of marital bonds, and that’s okay. Just as it is okay that there are women out there who are completely capable of separating sex and emotions, and feel liberated in the midst of non-committal sex.

Though I understand that I am young and that I may very well change my mind, for now, it is the decision that feels right to me. Sure, there may come a day where I don’t need a white dress and a ring to feel comfortable with having sex again. But I love the idea that the next person I trust my body with might be the person I am making a very significant and beautiful commitment to. Whether that’s a fiancé, a husband, or someone I simply talk about the proposition of marriage with.

At the end of the day, it makes it all the more liberating knowing that this is my decision: not my parent’s, not my pastor’s, but mine. In my eyes, this choice is, essentially, my way of reclaiming my body from all the men who would not value it in the way that they should; and that feels equally, if not more empowering than good sex. Call me a prude. Call me delusional. But this pact with myself means taking my sexuality into my own hands, for no reason other than the preservation of my emotional health and my self-esteem. So ladies, and gents alike: know that you can reclaim your sexuality without scriptures or other outside sources telling you that you have to do so. If anything, I’m saving myself so I can have the hottest, most mind-blowing sex of my life, later on. And if that isn’t something worth waiting for, I don’t know what is. 

Image Source: https://peonymoon.wordpress.com/2013/11/09/protest-against-rape-saturday...