Society will tell you the ingredients to having a happy relationship: 1 cup of communication, 2 cups of honesty and trust, ½ a cup of intimacy, and just a dash of companionship. Of course that is all hypothetical so the ingredients are changeable, but the point is, if we have all of the right ingredients, how come we still aren’t happy with the results? For the first time in my young life I experienced what it was like to be in love and having what you would call the “perfect relationship” but still not feeling full.
He was my best friend, we had amazing communication, we trusted each other deeply, and we never really fought, but I knew something was missing. Was there something wrong with me? I had it all and then some and I still wasn’t fully happy. I was content and comfortable. How is it when we have everything we can feel that we have nothing? This is when I realized that the famous break up line “It’s not you, it’s me” actually has some truth behind it. I was no longer happy, but it had nothing to do with what he was doing or not doing, it had to do with me. I wasn’t happy because through the 4 years of growing up I lost myself, I wasn’t sure what I liked or disliked, I didn’t really have much of my own independence, not to mention I didn’t even really love who I was on the inside or the outside.
Leaving a relationship for myself was intimidating. No routine, no boyfriend, no comfortable state of mind, I confused the lack of conflict and replaced it as a meaning of happiness, but when I left him for me I felt a little step of growth in my new found life. This was not easy, leaving everything behind for the unknown was terrifying, not to mention, hurting someone you love deeply for yourself is what society views as selfish, but this isn’t always true. I did not like being the villain in the story. I had racing thoughts in my head like “what will our friends think?” “What will his parents think?” “What will my family think?” I did not believe in taking “breaks” whatsoever. I always had this opinion of couples who took “breaks” were essentially just wanting a “get away free hall pass” with other people until they were done and wanted their routine back. I haven’t gotten to the end of my story, but in a small nutshell, I was wrong.
Coming to terms with leaving someone I loved to be happy alone was something that I had never really had to do. Being out in the world on my own was a whole different experience, but each day I learned something about myself that I didn’t even know was there. I became comfortable with being on my own and alone and this is exactly what I needed. Even my significant other grew to find the same thing. I learned that everyone has their own reasons and their own situations that they need to work through, who are we to judge that? Who was I to ever judge couples for taking breaks or breaking up and getting back together? Reflecting back on myself is something I like to do, I like to see improvement and change in myself, leaving my relationship to be in one with myself brought me exactly all of this. Sometimes when we are lost in our lives the best thing to do is take a break from everyone in it and figure what it really is that we need.