I Got Laser Hair Removal and Here’s How it Went

Background: I have been getting Brazilian waxes consistently (every 3-4 weeks) for about 2 years now and I’ve never been one to find it awkward to have a lady all up in your business like that. Your very first bikini wax is one of the most traumatic experiences on the road to becoming a women and mine was no different. I swore I would never go back, but I am so thankful I did because every time after that fateful first really isn’t that bad- let’s hope it’s the same with laser removal.

My mom talked me into this after we had a discussion about waxing vs shaving down under. Awkward, I know, but it’s fine. I had just came back to Vegas after finishing up summer school in Salt Lake City but, due to final exam educed mental breakdowns, I had missed my wax appointment and was overdue. The day I was going to get my wax, my mom told me that her friend works at a dermatology clinic and is giving us a discount off each treatment if I want to try it out. She said there was an appointment open the next day. I decided to give it a go because that timing seemed like a pretty solid sign to me.

Never having done laser hair removal before, I did what any reasonable, mature, twenty-something year old woman would- I Googled it. I found a range of different answers, from the “I didn’t feel a thing” to the “I got a severe rash and hives” types of responses. I have relatively sensitive skin and a super low paint tolerance, so I tend to side more with the “it hurt so bad I cried for 6 days” types of answers, but anything was possible.

My mom, who had done round 1 of laser removal already, gave me some numbing cream to put on 30 minutes before my appointment. After having read the online reviews, I put a hefty layer of cream on my south side and headed over to the doc. I showed up about 10 minutes early to fill out paperwork since I was a new patient, but the entire time I couldn’t stop worrying about whether or not the numbing cream kicked in. Trying to inconspicuously touch my vajay-jay and find out if I was numb yet was not going well, but before I could come up with a better idea the nurse called my name. The doctor- let’s just call her Dr. Vagine- was the cutest woman, probably 45 years old but looked like 30, and dressed to kill in business casual. It was a little sus that she wasn’t in scrubs, but I let it slide because I lowkey wanted to be her. She explained to me how the laser system works and how it detects the pigment of your hairs and then sends and energy frequency to “zap the bastards right out.” Basically the darker your hair is, the better, and the lighter your skin, the better. If your skin is darker, the laser can get confused since it looks for pigment and your skin could burn. Dr. Vagine uses a cool-tip which apparently makes this much less painful than whatever other people use. Cool, sounded good to me.

She gave me some goggles to wear; I stripped from the waist down and lay on the bed. She checked to make sure I had put the numbing cream on and then gave me some ice packs to put on the area while she heated up the “cool” laser. Dr. Vagine lathered me up with some cooling gel, similar to if you’ve ever had an ultrasound, and told me we were ready to begin. Now, recall that I am a total weenie about pain, so take the following information accordingly.

The first movement of the laser gun across the top of my pelvic area felt almost like a row of hair being plucked out all at once. My mother described it as a needle poke, but I really think of it more as a tweezing sensation. It was not comfortable by any means, but it didn’t really hurt. The next row, however, hurt like a bitch. Dr. Vagine was awesome about stopping whenever I needed a break and moving relatively quickly, but it still wasn’t pleasant. The pain doesn’t last, so once that section is done- it’s done, which is nice. As she continued across the top of my pelvic bone it got worse and worse. I was literally sweating. She kept making me talk and breathe, which helped a lot, but I was not enjoying this at all. She could see that I was struggling, so as she got ready to do the south side of my south side, she turned the frequency down from 24 (a normal beginning level) to 19 (the bunny-hill of laser removal). The underside of your vajay-jay doesn’t hurt half as bad as the top does. Shocking. I know. Then she asked me to lift my legs, lasered around my butt and we were just about done.

After only 10 minutes of rapid heart rates, mild burning sensations, and sweating like I was in a sauna, it was finished. I wiped off the excess gel and put my clothes back on. I looked down at my poor little friend and I was so red and swollen it was a little alarming. Apparently, that is 100% normal and it went down about 5 minutes later. I felt no pain afterwards and signed up, reluctantly, for my next appointment because I know how important it is to stay on the same schedule as your hair cycle if you really want this to work.

The aftercare for laser removal is pretty simple: don’t work out that day, avoid fragrance lotions for a couple days, don’t tan naked, and don’t wax in between sessions. (Shaving is okay, but wait a while after the appointment) Your hairs will start to fall out over the next couple of days, so don’t be worried! That’s how this works!

There are 6 total appointments in this process, each 4-5 weeks apart, and each with a higher energy level aka more zapping power. After those, you might have to get a touch up once every couple of years, but you should be hair-free! Laser hair removal can be done anywhere on your body, but do it at your own risk. This is no walk in the park; let me assure you, but the end results are so worth it!

From my own calculations, here’s the cash money breakdown:

Laser Hair Removal in your bikini zone usually costs around $250 x 6 sessions, which is $1,500. That sounds like a lot, but if you’re getting a Brazilian at European Wax Center every month ($50x12) that’s $600 a year, not including tips. So you can either pay $600 + tips every year for the rest of your life OR suck it up and pay $1,500 over 6 months and then never pay for either one every again… Laser sounds pretty good to me.

All in all, I do recommend it but I also heavily recommend numbing the area at least once before the appointment and possibly even taking a couple Advil 30-45 minutes before. If you chose to embark on this endeavor, best of luck and may the hair removal gods be with you.