We’ve all heard the age-old phrase, dogs are man’s best friend, but if that’s true, then woman’s best friend is her pink bedazzled vibrator with multiple speed settings. As soon as I became sexually active the word “vibrator” was a hot button topic, whether it was a casual “oh yeah, I have a vibrator,” or a very insistent, “OH MY GOD, you just HAVE to buy one,” it was something I talked about long before I actually got the VIP experience (and by VIP I mean happily masturbating from the comfort of my own bed while watching reality television—a truly unbeatable luxury). Though I grew up in an environment that brutally stigmatized female masturbation, I was eventually able to conquer my internalized shame and misogyny, and healthily incorporate masturbation into my sexual routine—and sometimes, daily routine.
And because masturbation had been a normal part of my life since a very young age, purchasing a vibrator wasn’t as foreign an idea as it might be for other women. In fact, after vowing to myself that I would never feed into the stigmatization of female masturbation, I shamelessly purchased my first vibrator on a Tuesday afternoon, alone, after a quick Walmart trip. It was casual. It was empowering. It was the beginning of a whole era and a whole new kind of love.
In our relationship, my trusty pink vibrator was a loyal confidant. A date that was never disappointing. But, unfortunately, I was becoming much too needy in our relationship. And after my loyal friend so tragically broke, I decided we needed to take a break, and not a Ross and Rachel two day, unsure of themselves, “break,” but a REAL break, like a see other people, maybe fall in love with someone else, kind of break. So I took the road less traveled, and let my broken vibrator stay broken—and I learned a lot.
For one, I learned that my Amazon browser could load the sex toy page in approximately 11 seconds, and that the “add to cart” button took little to no effort at all. I also learned that my dearest vibrator and just as many pros, as it did it cons. For one, I am a busy woman, and just like I do not have 30 extra minutes in a day to have a man pleasure me, I do not have the extra time to sit down for 30 minutes with my favorite pink vibrator (as much as I’d like to). Secondly, after using my vibrator religiously for about six months, I found that it became much more difficult to be stimulated/climax the old fashioned way via my right hand man (aka my literal right hand). In turn, it made it much more difficult to finish when men fingered me. And while a vibrator can easily be introduced into your two-person activities—just as easily as you introduced it into your solo routine—sometimes vibrators can be bulky and awkward, and can leave your partners feeling benched (if that’s an actual concern for you.)
Though I so badly wanted to prove the people who warned me “not to let my vibrator replace a man” wrong. There were, sadly, times where I found my mind wandering during sex, thinking about how I’d much rather be alone good pal the vibrator, drinking a glass of wine, than dealing with the weight of a man on top of me. Should I be ashamed? Probably. Am I? Not really.
However, just like all your friends have assured you, there are ABSOLUTELY pros to owning a vibrator. For one, a vibrator is the perfect match for all the women who have difficulty orgasming during sex, AND is also the perfect match for those who have significant others who have no idea what they’re doing (though you should absolutely work to correct your partners’ lazy behaviors). And in my own personal experience, I have myth-busted the misconception that vibrators will decrease your need for actual human sex, as using my own vibrator has increased my sex drive. With that, like you’ve probably heard before, vibrators can teach you more about yourself: what you like, what you don’t like, and most importantly WHERE you like.
So, if my relationship with my vibrator has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, you might be wondering…where exactly do I stand with vibrators? And the answer is: I love them (of course). However, there can absolutely be too much of a good thing. Just like you should constantly experiment with a sexual partner, and never settle for the same position, or the same toy, every night, relying on your vibrator for pleasure is a dangerous game. So mix it up. Treat yourself. And remember, your vibrator doesn’t have to one man sport, but no wants a threesome with your favorite wand every time.