So…you’re hoping to spice up your sex life. It seems easy. There’s a sex shop on every corner, with new sex toys being introduced to the market every 10 seconds. You seem to have a world of exciting, kinky, romance at your fingertips (quite literally, check out the magical and life-changing finger bullet). However, nothing comes without a cost, and neither will you—a lesson I learned after I had to start replacing the batteries of my trusty C-ring after every use. But how do we combat the spike in the prices of pleasure? Look no further, my friends, here’s 5 DIY tips that won’t break the bank, but may lead to a broken bed frame.
1. Blindfolds
Want to channel your 50-shades energy without a Christian Gray budget, follow E.L. James’ lead, and use an old tie you have lying around as a blindfold. Don’t have a tie? Use a good ole’ fashioned sleeping mask. Sure, it might say something stupid like “get your beauty sleep.” But when you’re naked, your partner won’t even notice it’s the eye mask you bought in 7th grade.
2. Oral Sex Numbing Gel Dupe
You know that numbing gel they sell in every sex shop? Well, there is literally no reason to spend 10 dollars on something that everyone has the perfect dupe for in their bathroom drawer (Remember, 10 dollars is lunch at Zuppas). SURPRISE, Orajel isn’t just for those pesky tooth aches, but is the perfect substitute for the green apple flavored numbing gel they overcharge you for. Happy blowing!
3. A $0 Vibrator Replacement
When you’re a college student, a vibrator just might not be in the budget. But have no fear, there’s an alternative that costs absolutely nothing. Try having sex on top of a running washing machine. Not only will it make laundry day much more exciting, but will stimulate your partner in more than one way. Consider it a fun little threesome with your Whirlpool. And if you don’t have a private laundry room, consider the thrill of your RA walking in on you as an added bonus.
4. Your Detachable Shower Head: Your New Best Friend
Yet another vibrator-substitute: the shower head. Sure, it may be very 1990s, but if you have one, USE IT. Shower sex could always use a creative (and steamy) twist. 5. Coconut Oil: The OG DIY
You use it as makeup remover. You use it as toothpaste. Why not use it as a lube? Now, before you rush out to buy a whole tub to replace your expensive water-based lubricant, consider the looming yeast infection that might come your way from using it as a lubricant vaginally. If you’re still not scared, also remember that oil-based lubricants can break down the latex in condoms. BUT, if you simply want a fun twist on a good ole-fashioned, 8th grade hand job, go nuts. Go coconuts. (Too much?)
6. When all else fails: Whipped Cream
Not only is this an excuse to skip out on the $11 Cheesecake Factory cheesecake when you’re on a date, but it is the most tried-and-true kinky staple. And whipped cream only costs $3. Go for generic if you’re really feeling frisky.
With all these tips in mind, you no longer have an excuse to have boring, vanilla missionary sex just because you’re a “poor college student.” . Fight the existential crisis that is the college experience with a new spark in your sex life. Because if kinky sex isn’t the stress reliever you need, what is?