Everyone is talking about how 2019 is the year we’re going to be done with toxic masculinity, and let me tell you, I am here for that. But what about other things that need to be kicked to the curb? It’s easy to focus so much on ridding our lives of toxic masculinity that we might forget that anyone can be toxic. I think we’ve all been there – someone in our life just isn’t sitting right, something feels a little off, but we can’t place what it is. Let’s re-brand 2019. Let’s make it the year of being done with all things toxic. The first step, though, is being able to realize when there’s a toxic person in your life.
This took me kind of a long time to figure out. Friendships will end, that’s inevitable. But admittedly, sometimes it can be hard to tell whether it was you, or them, or both of you, or whether it just fizzled out of its own devices. Personally, however, after watching certain friendships go sour over the years, I realized that a lot of the time, a friendship (or relationship, or whatever), might need to end, because the other individual is too toxic to your life.
Toxic is kind of a harsh word, so let me break it down a little more. In my experience, if someone is going to be toxic to your life, you’ll probably start to feel it sooner rather than later (although that’s not a hard and fast rule – I’ve definitely realized that someone needs to go after a couple years of being friends). Simply put, they will not make you feel good. You probably won’t feel your best, or your happiest, or your most confident when you’re around them. And those are important things that a friend should bring out of you. You know that gut feeling you get when you hear someone’s name who you don’t entirely love, and you automatically start feeling a little gross inside? That right there should be a red flag.
Toxic friendships can come in so many different forms, too. It might just be that they aren’t a good friend, and they’ll take way more than they give, or they’re never really there for you, or you feel like they’re just friends with you when it’s convenient. Sound familiar? They can also be much more blatant, though. Someone might be verbally abusive, whether it’s to your face or not. So, what can you do if you feel like a friendship has gone south?
Grab your favorite pair of scissors and cut. them out. I’ve had a super hard time doing this in the past because it feels so harsh and I’m always worried about being mean but in the end, I feel way worse about myself if I let that person stay in my life. If someone is meant to be in your life, you won’t have to debate it. If it’s for the best that you let them go, you’ll know. You don’t have to be aggressive about it, in fact, you don’t even have to let them know that you’re doing it. Just gradually take a step back from the situation, and let it fade away. Your happiness it of utmost importance, and it’s not worth it to let people stomp all over that.
2019 is the year of feeling good about ourselves. So is 2020. Actually, every year should be. If a person, or a situation, or a group of people, isn’t working for you, let it go. You deserve to be surrounded by the best!