Want to feel like your life is never under control? Want to let people down? Want to misplace things it feels like you never even had in the first place? Want to throw money down the drain?
Then I am your girl.
This spring semester alone- wait, let me rephrase that- the first week of this semester alone, I lost my school ID, retainer, pencil case, wallet (including my almost complete Thirst punch card), my boyfriend’s gift from christmas (fuzzy sweatshirt), MY SINGLE snapchat streak, my roommate (literally), my 2nd room key, and probably 27 hair ties (based on my weekly average). Not to mention first semester. OH FIRST SEMESTER. Water bottle, wallet, room key, 1859 bobby pins, my dignity, 3 pairs of shorts, and an umbrella.
I began looking at these instances in awe. How in the world could I get home last night- true story- after buying a new room key the night before, reach for the lanyard that I had so carefully tied my son of a @*^# brass key to, only to find it was no longer attached to my backpack? The only explanation: I have a talent. I am an expert. I have truly mastered the art of losing things. I decided to share with you my top 5 tips so that you, too, can lose 45% of the things you have ever owned. Hand over the diploma, preferably by email so I can’t lose it.
1. Never put anything back in its place.
This step is crucial, as it will allow you to never find anything in time. Therefore, you become late, are more likely to be in a rush, and may not remember to pick up your water bottle that’s beside you on the bus, or grab your phone out of its charger before leaving your house.
2. Put your things down wherever you go.
Have five minutes at your terminal before boarding? This is the perfect time to rearrange your makeup bag and maybe even FaceTime your friends at the same time! Be sure to take out your headphones with the intent to use them… and then don’t.
3. Never activate “Find My iPhone” on your device.
This way, when you simply misplace your phone, you can never find it. This tip is especially helpful because it will cause you to go back to all of your classes to check the rooms when your phone is actually just under the seat in your car.
4. Never prepare anything beforehand.
Before you go to bed, make sure your homework, clothes, and beauty products are scattered everywhere so you can have a hectic morning and likely forget everything you need for the day. Once you throw everything in your bag in the morning, be sure to leave everything unzipped.
5. Never develop any habits.
This will ensure that this problem is never fixed, and you can continue to lose at least 3 things a week. Never double-check or make a list of what you need or are bringing to a place before you go! Deflect any advice other than the tips in this article.
There you go! Now you can be a #hotmess as much as I am. I would probably tell you to follow up and email me how these tips have been helping you, but I lost the password to my email.