Loving yourself and being aware of your needs is hard. Do you know what makes it harder? Being in a relationship. Intimate relationships are crucial for our development, happiness, and self-esteem. However, being able to be with and love yourself is a skill that’s needed to be… well, a functioning adult. Oftentimes, being able to love ourselves is something that we foster while being single, and it goes right out the door the second we get into a relationship. Well, I’m here to tell you that being able to love yourself is not something that you need to trade to have a relationship. In fact, here are some ways that you can make space in a relationship to practice some TLC with yourself — it’ll make you a better partner, raise your self-esteem, and help you stay grounded.
1) Take a night for yourself.
Make sure to do things that cause you to spend time with yourself (facemasks are great, but maybe do them WITH this activity rather than INSTEAD of it) like breathwork, journaling, and meditating. Make a conscious effort to evaluate your needs and see if they’re being met. What do you want your partner to do more of? What do you want them to do less of? How are you going to open the channels of communication both ways so that everyone comes away with what they need?
2) Set some personal goals.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean everything in your life has to revolve around this one person. While you may have a long, happy future together, what are your individual plans? How are you going to succeed professionally or at school? Is there a trip you’re DYING to go on, a book you can’t wait to read, or a new project you’ve been wanting to start for a long time? Touch base with yourself and make sure you’re moving forward.
3) Take up a hobby!
There’s always been that one thing you’ve been wanting to try for a while now. It’s time to snap to it. Tell your partner that you’d like to try out some new activities, and instead of your usual date night (Netflix? Again?) you guys can go out and do something together — in a way that also lets you pursue something you’re interested in. Who knows, being able to do this might show you that you’re really great at it — and whoever you’re with will love seeing you excited about something new.
I hope you’re able to try something new to spend time with yourself and make meaningful space to love yourself in your relationship! These are definitely not the only activities you can do, just focus on what feels fulfilling.