Every relationship presents itself with challenges. Feelings make things complicated, and dating can get really messy. In a blinding fog of mixed emotions, sometimes we have to weigh the pros and cons. A simple list of the good and bad seems like it would be simple enough, but love isn’t easy. There isn’t a math equation. The way you feel isn’t always going to make sense. So when we look at the logistics and things don’t add up, is that when we let them go?
It’s romantic to follow your heart. It feels good, spontaneous, and like a leap of faith into true love. “Heart over mind.” That’s how people end up together in all the rom-coms…so that’s what I should do, right?
Maybe. I really don’t know what you should do. I don’t know you, I don’t know the person you love, nor the space between the two of you, and all of the things that it may hold. But I do know that you’re reading this article, which probably means that you’re doubting your relationship, (or a potential one). And I also know this: your mind knows things that your heart doesn’t.
Your heart knows that you want to be with them. It holds the loving memories you’ve had with them, your first date, the first time you said “I love you,” their smile, and the way they always made you laugh. Maybe it’s their kindness, their understanding, or just the way you feel when you’re with them. The point is, you love them for a reason. Those reasons are valid, your feelings are valid, but that doesn’t mean you are exempt from regret or getting insanely hurt—maybe you already have been.
The people we love aren’t always right for us. Maybe it’s the wrong place, the wrong time, or just the wrong person.
Your mind knows what you’re getting yourself into. Whether that be a conscious acknowledgment, or not, it’s there. You see the warning signs, you see where things just don’t make sense, you see it, you know it…and you probably push it away. Maybe they’ve hurt you. Maybe they don’t fit into your life, maybe you don’t fit into theirs. Are they holding you back from things you want to do? Are they stopping you from growing? How do you feel about yourself when you’re around them? Are the mistakes and flaws in your relationship worth your time and energy? How much are you willing to give to them, and vice versa? Are things between the two of you ever really going to work? These are all valid questions when determining if it’s time to call game over. You have to acknowledge the problems you have in your relationship, the things that aren’t going to change, and what that means for you.
I don’t know the right answer, but I do know this: this isn’t a decision anyone can make for you. Not your mom, not your therapist, not your best friend. This has to be 100% you. And at the end of the day, they will still be who they are, and you will still be you. It’s just a matter of whether or not these two people fit together.
You can be in love with someone, and still decide you can’t be in their life anymore. In the end, it’s just important to make kind choices for yourself, I wish you, your heart, your mind, and relationships (present or future) all the best.