At some point in our lives, all of us have lost contact with a friend. It may have been due to a mutual decision, an unforgivable fight, or even just a slow decline in communication until you never really talked at all. Although ending friendships is almost always heartbreaking, there are certainly situations where cutting ties is beneficial for both parties involved. If you feel like your relationship with your bestie is ranging anywhere from “moderately frustrating” to “ruining my life,” here are some signs that it might be time to dump them, or at least take a break.
1. You feel like you’re no longer a priority in their life.
Hey, we’re in college – almost everyone is swamped with homework, studying, work, and trying to figure life out in general. But if you feel like your best friend never wants to see you, or always seems to choose their other friends over you, it may be time to ask them what’s going on. Jessica, a sophomore at the University of Utah who recently ended a 4-year friendship, explained, “It felt like he only wanted to hang out with me as a last resort. I tried talking to him about it, but nothing changed, so I just gave up.” She mentioned that it’s always important to try and talk things out, but if you’re stressing yourself out over someone that no longer wants to be involved in your life, it may be time to let go.
2. You find yourself dodging attempts to hang out.
The opposite of #1 is true as well – if you feel like you’d rather do literally anything else than see your friend, you might consider why you’re trying to maintain a friendship in the first place. Continually skipping on plans is going to make them feel insignificant and unwanted, and it would be healthier for both of you to end things rather than continue to be mutually unhappy.
3. Unwanted feelings come into the mix.
In a perfect world, romance and friendship would only cross paths when both parties explicitly wanted. However, we’re human, so sometimes unreciprocated desires make what used to be a perfectly platonic friendship uncomfortable. If your friend develops a crush on you when you’re not interested, or vice versa, you may consider stepping back until you’ve both established clear boundaries again. That’s not to say friendships can’t evolve into something more; however, both parties must be on board, and if this is not the case, forcing a friendship may be harmful.
4. You’re a little too attached.
There’s nothing wrong with being a “package deal” – having someone you can always count on, care about deeply, and consider your long-lost sibling is an incredibly special bond. But if your relationship feels less like best friends and more like mutual dependence, it may be time to get concerned. “I knew I had a problem when my friend went on a two-week long vacation,” says Andrew, a junior at the University of Washington. “I literally had nobody to hang out with and I was like, I need new friends!” Like Andrew said, it may just be time to expand your circle; however, if your friendship really feels toxic, try taking a step back and give both of you a new perspective.
5. You feel like you don’t mesh well anymore.
Unfortunately, just like with dating, not all breakups are clean cut. Outgrowing friends and changing in general is natural, especially in college, and you shouldn’t blame yourself. Feeling like you just don’t want to be friends with your BFF anymore is a painful realization, but cutting ties cleanly and clearly is much less awkward than letting it fizzle out on its own. Getting a sense of closure is beneficial for both parties, and it allows you both to make new friends without jealousy getting involved.
Not all friendships are friendships are lifelong, and in most cases, this is for the best. Becoming your best self means surrounding yourself with people that help you grow, make you smile, and have your back, and you shouldn’t accept anything less. Ending a toxic friendship may be challenging, and even agonizing, but if you know you deserve better, then take the steps necessary to stand up for yourself and your needs!