I’ve done a lot of stupid sh*t for love. Things I never thought I’d do. Things that any mentally-coherent person might lecture me about. Things that the run-of-the-mill Miley Cyrus hit single, definitely warned me about in my angsty preteen days.
I suppose “I was head over heels,” so naturally, all the blood rushed to my head, and impaired my judgment. The very judgment that would have told me, that should have told me, that commuting hours in the middle of the night for a late night hookup was ridiculous. That offering to relocate schools for a 21-year- old who rode a skateboard and flunked out of college, was stupidity. That jeopardizing grades, test scores, and important deadlines, for a guy I had known for five months was, at best, insanity.
But, in the end, they don’t call it being “madly in love,” for no reason.
So if it’s true, and we’re all running around like blubbering idiots struck by Cupid’s infamous bow, then why, oh why, are we all so oblivious to the people who are, clearly, just not that into us. If we’re all so willing to do anything for love, move cross country, quit our jobs, change our religions, change our hair, why would we ever assume that the guy from Tinder, who takes 45 minutes to text back, and cancels dates last minute, is just “busy,” or “unsure of what he wants”?
Sadly, it’s all a pretty package of crap, a coping strategy to accept rejection, a way to make sense of the confusion that is dating. Because I can reassure you firsthand that no 22 year old is “too overwhelmed with work” to see you. And as an honors student, my excuse of “I have too much homework,” is the oldest trick in the book to getting out of plans I had no intention of keeping.
And even at my very busiest with school, work, internships, and volunteer projects, if I wanted to see someone, no test, no deadline, no project, would get in the way of that. I would write the final paragraph of my essay in the corner table of a family reunion. I would annotate Chapter 2 of my feminist theory textbook, while seated in the front row of my boyfriend’s basketball game.
But besides “not enough time” as the age-old excuse, we’ve all probably heard the words, “I’m just not emotionally ready for a relationship, yet,” or, “I have commitment issues,” or, “we work together, it would just be a bad idea.” And again—what a cheap cop-out. When there are people out there who would sell their souls to the devil himself for love, how could we ever believe that a relationship could be stopped by something as small as “too much trig homework,” or imaginary commitment issues?
So while it’s an easier pill to swallow that the self-perceived love of your life is emotionally unavailable or back-to-back scheduled, or incapable of intimacy, they aren’t. For the right person, anyone can make time, dive into commitment, conquer religious and political differences, or even compromise on where to go dinner on Friday night. Because for the people you love, you’ll do anything, beyond reason, logic, or past breakups. And to quote the ever-so inspiring words of our beloved Taylor Swift, “Don’t blame me. Love made me crazy. If it doesn’t, you ain’t doing it right.”