Picture this: you’re home enjoying a relaxing winter break. You’ve slept in until noon, eaten a meal that didn’t come out of a microwave, and now you’re relaxing in front of the TV with your family, not a care in the world. Your phone buzzes, you pick it up, and it’s HIM. The obnoxious guy you spent all of high school avoiding has somehow found out that you’re back in town, and wants to know when you’re free to “catch up over coffee.” You panic.
We’ve all been there, and whether it’s over text or through an unlucky run-in while Christmas shopping (“Oh my God, it’s so good to see you!”), you’re stuck with the awkward task of rejecting an offer to hang out with the person who embodies the worst parts of your high school experience. Sure, you could suck it up and suffer through an hour of forced conversation at Starbucks, but why do that when you follow these tips and avoid them altogether? No, it’s not too good to be true. Here’s what to do.
If they text you:
- Option 1: Literally just ignore the text. They’ll probably get the hint.
- Option 2: If you’re too nice to give them the cold shoulder, accept their offer to hang out, but in the purely hypothetical sense. Reply with something like, “Yeah, it would be cool to get coffee sometime! I’ll let you know when I’m free!” But here’s the thing: you don’t let them know. Ever.
- Option 3: If they keep asking for a solid plan, change your name and number and move out of the country. Or just be honest with them and say you’d rather not hang out. Either option is equally difficult.
If you see them in person:
- Option 1: Pretend you have to be somewhere like, right now. Run off looking frazzled. Skulk around the mall avoiding them for the rest of your shopping trip.
- Option 2: Say, “Yeah, I’d love to hang out! Text me!” Refer to subsection 1.
- Option 3: Pretend to have a nasty bout of the flu, but insist you can still get dinner later. Cough violently without covering your mouth during the entire conversation. Wipe your nose with you hand and touch their shoulder. Maybe vomit on their shoes. They’ll end up turning YOU down, guaranteed.
If they’re invited to the same event as you, and you’d like to avoid the previous situation:
- Option 1: Just don’t go. Sure, you’ll miss out on the biggest Christmas party of the year, but at least you won’t have to listen to Ashley squeal about how much she missed you, even though you clearly hate each other.
- Option 2: Bribe the host to un-invite them. It’s Christmas time, everyone could use a little extra cash for holiday shopping.
- Option 3: Go, but get super drunk, and when they make plans with you, you’ll have a solid excuse for forgetting about them.
If they’re your sibling:
- Option 1: Come on, don’t be rude. They missed you. Spread the holiday love!