After a relationship has ended, I’m sure many of us have thought to ourselves, Okay, I’m not going to be the jealous ex-girlfriend when they’re in another relationship. And besides, I’ll definitely find someone new before they do. But, much to our dismay, when we find out our ex has moved on to someone new, or moved on, period, it is often very difficult to accept. We are instantly hit with disbelief, curiosity, hurt, and jealousy. We immediately stalk our “replacement” on social media, trying to convince ourselves and asking our friends for the support we want—that we’re so obviously “prettier,” “nicer,” “smarter,” than her, the list could go on. But no matter how hard we try to validate these claims, we have to acknowledge the truth—they don’t change anything. Giving ourselves endless self-esteem boosts will not change the fact they have moved on and are happy without us, as heartbreaking as it is to acknowledge and accept.
In order to fully respect our ex’s new relationship, we have to focus more on why our relationship with them ended in the first place. Whether or not it was a communication problem, they didn’t have time for our relationship, a personal problem, or they simply fell out of love, once we accept the reason our relationship ended, it is easier to think about their new relationship. What if their new S/O is a better communicator, is more laid back, is easier to handle, or provides them with a specific quality that we just didn’t have? What if we just weren’t the right fit for them? This doesn’t mean our relationship was a waste of time, or that we weren’t good enough for them—it just means that after a while, it became clear our relationship was not meant to be, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean their new partner is “better” than us, it just means their relationship is a better match.
And in the meantime, while we’re waiting for the next one to come along in our lives, we can be excited and look forward to our new relationship giving us something we didn’t have in our past relationship(s). This is what makes dating (and being single) fun—we gain self-reflection, strength, new experiences, and different people to share our lives with. As hard as it may be at first to accept and respect our ex’s new relationship, we eventually are happy for them—they may have found a better match, but at least we will forever cherish and be grateful for the time and experiences we did have with them. Lastly, we can look forward to our next relationship—we may have lost something happy and memorable, but we may gain a better fit.