National Adoption Day was created by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption to bring awareness to the children living in foster care in the U.S waiting to be adopted. The day also works with courts and agencies to finalize adoptions from foster care. The facts are, there are more than 110,000 children living in foster care, with an average wait time to be adopted by a family being 3 years. More than 23,000 age out of the foster care system a year, with no permanent family. My family was lucky enough to take in three girls from the foster system whom I now call my sisters. Here is my personal story to celebrate National Adoption Day.
Almost three years ago three little girls came into my life. I remember my dad and step-mom talked about the possibility of us taking in three girls from foster care and hopefully, in the end, adopting them. They were distant relatives and it would be a kin adoption. When I first heard this, I was pretty excited. I had been an only child my whole life, and now I had the chance to be a sister. Little did I know how hard things would get, but that it would make my life more fulfilling.
It wasn’t too long until the girls came to our house, in fact, it was pretty rushed. They flew in from California a few months later. I remember the day I met them so well. They came home the night before and I met them for dinner the next day. It was not the experience I expected. I for some reason had this assumption everything would be great and we would automatically become sisters and all love each other. Instead, I met three little strangers, ages 2, 3, and 4. Their big brown eyes stared at me curiously, not sure who I was. We enjoyed a snack of goldfish crackers and apple slices before dinner. Even though it was a little awkward having no idea who these girls and them not knowing me, it was a happy time.
With time, I started to see their personalities come through, and their scars from years in foster care. The oldest is a fiercely passionate, headstrong little girl. She tends to take charge because she always had to. Even though she was only a year or two older, she played the mom figure to the other two in foster care. The middle is a forgetful drama queen who cares for others. Everything seems to hurt or offend her, we will never know what exactly happened to her in foster care. The youngest is a sassy but very intelligent individual. She reminds me a lot of my younger self. She was too young to really remember foster care, but that is another mystery she may not tell us.
Things were far from perfect. It took my family a long time to understand these girls and get them to trust us. Being moved around in foster care meant they never stayed in one place long. They just expected to leave us eventually just like with every other family. If we yelled at them or got too close to them, they just assumed they would be hurt and just shut down. Even though we had plenty of food at meals, they would always hide food just in case. It broke my heart to see these girls constantly in defense mode. Even now they still show signs of their time in foster care, something I can’t even imagine.
It was so hard to get them to believe that we were their real family and that we were going to love and take care of them forever. Things like “you aren’t my real mom/dad” would crush my parents, because they were trying so hard. My dad and stepmom are truly saints. They deal with constant tantrums and bad behavior from these little girls daily. Patience has become the value of our home. We need to be understanding of their past and accept that them becoming stable will take a long time. Even when I babysit, I just want to give them to the neighbors sometimes. They don’t listen to me and drive me up the wall with yelling, lying, and tantrums. I just have to think of what they have done for me in my life and why I love them.
I really love these little girls. I am proud to say that last September they were officially adopted into our family. That day is now a holiday in our house along with the day we brought them home. Being with them brings a childlike spirit out of me. I love taking them out on sister dates, playing with them, and reading with them. They have taught me patience, something I have always struggled with. Each of their personalities brings me joy and something I strive to have in myself. I strive to be intelligent and empathetic like the oldest. I strive to be compassionate and loving towards others like the middle. I strive to be curious and have a good time like the youngest. What truly brings me joy is coming home and hearing three girls in unison scream, “CYNTHIA! CYNTHIA IS HOME!” I have never seen such pure love as the love they give me, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
If you or your family are considering fostering or adoption, please check out https://utahfostercare.org/
National Adoption Day is sponsored by “coalition of national partners – Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute, The Alliance for Children’s Rights and Children’s Action Network” – http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/about/
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