We all know the routine: go on our exes’ profiles, look at their page, check their favorites, stalk the girls whose pictures and tweets they favorited, decide they’re not as pretty as us, rinse, and repeat. If you’ve been broken up with, casually ghosted, or heartbroken beyond repair, this is a cycle you know all too well. And unfortunately this behavior is often classified “normal,” and some days even encouraged.
In the midst of a breakup, the voices around us reassure us that “she’s not as pretty as you,” and “he’ll never date anyone hotter than you are,” as if it’s completely acceptable to degrade the women around us in the name of our breakup. And I’m here to tell you that, no, the “other woman,” or better yet the “next woman” is not the one to blame, and is definitely not someone that deserves our harsh mental critiques of, “oh, I’m hotter than her, I don’t have to worry.”
So, with that, we absolutely must break the habit of evaluating the potential girlfriends of our ex-lovers, on a scale that only allows for ratings like “ugly,” “average,” and “a possible threat.” First of all, because girls are not just tits, long eyelashes, and perfect contours. Women are complex individuals, undeserving of our unfair titles of “hot” and “not”—especially from fellow women who should understand the difficulties of being a woman forced to conform to modern beauty standards.
Secondly, when we scope out these possible “threats,” searching for who is “prettier” and who is not, and who has the potential to make your ex’s Twitter bio in the near future, and who doesn’t, you are subconsciously supposing that your ex is shallow enough to only consider physical attributes in his search of a potential mate. And if you believe them to be that consumed by physical appearance, why did you date an asshole like that in the first place?
Sure, at the end of the day, you might be stereotypically “hotter” than the girl who posted the half-nude selfie your ex favorited, but does that really matter? She may be nicer than you. She may be less judgmental than you. She may have more interests in common with this ex than you. And she may even be a better match for your ex than you. Worst of all, she is probably not stooping so low as to scroll through YOUR photos, and mentally classify YOU as “average,” or “not that cute.”
So enough. Get off your ex’s social media platforms, stop stalking their favorites, and start living your life without them. And whatever you decide to let your ex ruin, don’t let them ruin your feminism.