When the long awaited “first time” came, I was nineteen and clueless; my knowledge of condoms limited to the wise words of my eighth grade health textbook. I, like many others my age, was a product of my conservative Mormon town and its strictly regimented abstinence-only policy. There were no ifs, ands, or butts (literally) about it, sex was an activity that required a membership in the very exclusive, very sacred, marriage club. For all the state was concerned, teenagers had no business learning about condoms, let alone using them.
So there I was, in the middle of the action, half naked and fully afraid. The only knowledge under my belt–which was now laying on the floor–was that condoms were one of the three prime choices for birth control, along with the pill, and of course, abstinence. Not only was I completely oblivious to the mechanics, the risks, and the types of condoms available, but when it came down to it, I hadn’t even known how to put one on. Unfortunately, my boyfriend at the time was just as naïve and confused as I had been, so we did the unthinkable.
We Google searched, not before, not after, but embarrassingly in the middle of foreplay, “How to properly put on a condom.” Though it makes for a hilarious story now. But at that moment, it was rather alarming that two adults, who could complete a complicated calculus problem were left stumbling, Google searching, on how to put on what was essentially a rubber glove—even though it wasn’t going anywhere near his hands.
See the thing was, the abstinence-centered Sex Ed program didn’t stop us from having sex pre-martially, all it did was leave us completely blind on how to have safe, and pregnancy free, sex. Shouting abstinence at a bunch of horny teenagers isn’t going to keep them abstinent, no matter if it is the safest option. The decision of sexual activity, or sexual inactivity, is essentially out of the hands of our education system; I mean, how often do you hear of a couple deciding to be abstinent because their health textbook said so? Sex is often left in the territory of religion, parental guidance, and peer influence and I believe that is exactly the way it should be.
How do we eliminate teen baby-bumps and promote safer sex? Well, I can tell you that answer is not hidden in the health quizzes that repetitively bold the word “abstinence.” Instead, we desperately need the implementation of comprehensive sexual education. We must acknowledge that school has never been about getting half of the information. In government classes we learn about Republicans AND Democrats, while students interested in art are still required to learn basic math skills. Sex education should be no different. Regardless if students plan on joining a convent and dying a virgin or plan to sleep with half of their high school, we need to give ALL the information. That includes, but is not limited to, instructions and demonstrations on how to properly use a condom, types of birth control and discussions on their effectiveness, as well as acknowledgments of particular risks outside the realms of Chlamydia and genital herpes: rape culture, the emotional attachment that comes post-sex, etc.
Sex was never meant to be a silent topic, nor a silent activity. We were all created about it and the overwhelming majority will experience it at one point of their life. So, why are we all so hesitant to talk about it, to educate our youth about it?