I cannot tell you how many times I worried about my future roommates coming into the semester. If I can give any advice, it’s that when you’re going into your first semester (especially if you’re living on campus), it costs nothing to be kind. You never know who will be in your classes, or who you’ll be sharing your space with, so be kind to all you meet. Also, try and plan your arrangements with your roommates early! That is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this whole year! There is so much to be said for living with people, and learning to become friends with the people you meet in your classes, so take this as a grain of salt as you’re going through your own experience in the semester. These are some of the things I wish I knew about living with seven other girls and making friends on campus this semester, let’s go!
Roommates:
If you’re living on campus, odds are you’re going to have at least one roommate. In my case, I had a total of seven roommates living in my apartment this semester. I’d like to say that everything was warm and cozy, and that we were all best friends from day one – but that would be a lie. I was extremely lucky that I bonded with my roomie in my double pretty quickly. My roommate, Adrienne, was the perfect match for me. We didn’t get to meet until move-in because being the technologically inept nerds we are, we “hid” our profiles from one another without realizing it. That meant we weren’t able to stalk one another or figure out what each other was bringing until move-in day. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t hide your profile when submitting your housing application, or you will not be able to be found by your roommates. So given all the issues that we had with technology, it was unlikely that we would become so close, but I’m happy to say that Adrienne and I are as thick as thieves, and I wouldn’t wish for anyone else.. Now, this is not the standard.
Many of my friends were not so lucky when it came to who shared their space. Some of my friends share rooms with slobs, hoarders, poor communicators (who definitely do not put a sock on the door), people who are generally apathetic, or a person they absolutely hate. With that, give yourself time to get to know your roommate over the summer. Try and hang out, get coffee, see a movie together, before you’re effectively in each other’s space 24/7. I cannot tell you how seamlessly my semester went for having not known anything about Adrienne before the semester started. That being said, we both made an honest effort to become friends, get to know each other, and spend time with one another to figure out our quirks on a shortened schedule. Perhaps the most conflict can arise from the fear of not being understood, or liked by your roommate. Be vulnerable. Show that you care about this person. After all, your roommate could be your first true connection in college, your tagalong to that frat party, and your source of laughter and release after an awful midterm. Of course, if the person you’re living with is absolutely unbearable, don’t feel afraid to call in your RA to try and resolve the issues you’re having, and if worst comes to worse, arrange for a room change.
Even though the first few days seem like a whirlwind, make a plan with all your roomies to sit down and get to know everyone’s schedules and routines. I wish everyone in our dorm was using the group message earlier, so that we could have easily said “hey I have a test tomorrow, so please be quiet so I can study” or “I’m bringing over my friends from high school, message me if we’re too loud”. In my dorm, we waited until November to discuss our schedules, and it was too late for everyone’s comfort. Conflict had already arisen due to people playing music too loud late at night, having guests over without any notice, or leaving the kitchen dirty with dishes that never got cleaned. A stitch in time saves nine, so save yourself some grief and figure out each other’s schedules. Also, figure out how you’re going to do chores around the apartment. Who’s buying the broom and dust pan? What days are you taking out the trash? How will the group know whose dishes are whose? In our dorm, we made a trash schedule early in the year that honestly saved our apartment. No one was getting slotted more than anyone else, and everyone had a responsibility to help out. Every time we had guests, everyone commented that they wished their dorm had organized something like that. It’s the little things that can start conflict, and a smelly trash can is a good way to get people angry even without trying.
I wish I had known that my roommates were just as nervous as I was coming into the semester. I was amazed by how kind people were as I spent my first days on campus. Open up your doors, meet the kids down the hall, and get to know the people around you. Even the most extroverted person on campus is nervous about making friends, trust me, I was there. Make an effort to be a good neighbor, and meet kids from all different areas, not just the ones who are carbon copies of your high school friends. Admittedly, not everyone that you meet will become your best friend, or even your acquaintances in class, but when you’re out of trash bags at least you know “Josh” down the hall is willing to help you out. I was shocked by the amount of people that I met in the first few days, and I wish I had known that I didn’t have to be friends with everyone. Sometimes the best you can do is just be nice to everyone. I unfortunately met a lot of people in the first week that made racist, sexist, and homophobic jokes, to which I tried to teach and correct, but at a certain point it’s okay to say “I don’t want to be friends with people who act like this”. You’re an adult, you can choose who you want to spend your time with. But in the end, be kind to all those you meet.
Friends:
When it comes to your friendships, and the people you hang out with, don’t expect anything to happen instantaneously. Everything takes time, especially new friendships. At the beginning of the semester, I thought that everyone and anyone would want to be my friend, hang out, and bond immediately. College brochures and activities make students believe that students will feel an included member of the community on day one. I don’t think I felt secure in my friendships until more than three-quarters of the way through this past semester. So when you meet people know that 1) you don’t have to be friends with everyone, but at least be nice 2) try and find people who enjoy doing the things you like (studying biochem, knitting hats, going to Space Camp, whatever fits your fancy) 3) take it slow: don’t expect the friendships you had with your best friend from high school with the girl you just met two hours ago.
And despite popular belief, you don’t have to join a sorority/frat. At the beginning of the semester, I was lost. I was not used to being alone.and away from my close-knit group of band kids. Previously, I never saw myself joining a sorority, but I thought that maybe this was what I needed. The rush process was truly a “rush” to meet all the girls and the houses, and it helped me meet several new friends along the way. If you’re even slightly interested in going Greek, I recommend rushing just to learn more about Greek Life, as well as make some new friends! In the end, I didn’t join a house, but for many of the girls who rushed along side me, their house is their favorite place on campus. Yet, if you find yourself in the position where you can’t fit in chapter meetings around your schedule and the dues just don’t work with your salary – don’t stress. You are more than welcome to join once you’re comfortable in your circumstances! Not to mention, there are a variety of different organizations and clubs on campus, so if Greek Life isn’t your scene, there are literally hundreds of others that are always looking for new members!
Also, just because you may be in a different college than some of your friends from high school, that doesn’t mean that your friendship is over. Something about the “lasts” surrounding graduation and the summer before college created a facade that all of my friendships would be “weaker” because my friends were away. Thanks to Snapchat, Google Hangouts, Skype, and a whole lot of meme sharing on Instagram, I’m proud to say that my friendships are as strong as they’ve ever been. Even my friends in the corners of the country still call me on my way to work and tell me about their silly professors on a daily basis. That being said, being an in-state student, there are a lot of kids on campus that I see that I don’t necessarily want to be friends with anymore. As always, be kind, but you don’t have to be friends with everyone. Being able to choose who you want to spend your time with means you can also limit your drama so that you’re not dragging petty high school feuds with you to college. By all means, reduce your stress and focus on the relationships you truly care about (including your relationship with yourself!).
Now, I’m not the only freshman who’s discovered an abundance about myself in the first semester. I’ve asked my friends, followers, and even my professors what advice they would give to their “first semester self”, and below is what I received:
“Bring a good jacket that you don’t mind getting rained or snowed on – summer doesn’t last forever!”
“Figure out if your roommates are okay with drinking and smoking even if it is a dry campus, you want friends who will come with you to that frat party.”
“Try and go to all the sporting events on campus! It’s a great way to meet people!”
“Find all the free food on campus in the first few weeks. Odds are, you could eat for free for about a week with any luck.”
“Get involved! Figure out what you enjoy doing and jump right in!”
“It’s okay to be undecided! It’s also totally fine to change your major once, twice, even three times as long as you’re happy!”
“Cs get degrees, don’t be hard on yourself.”
“Bring designated party shoes”
“Bring lots of condoms”
“Your professors want to hear from you. If you have questions, email them. Better yet, go into office hours. Even the “scariest” professor is more than willing to listen to what questions you have.”
“Call your parents once a month”
“Give yourself at least one hour each day that is just for you. Find a hobby that you enjoy doing. Draw. Journal. Go work out again. Walk around campus and find a great place to read. Don’t forget to be human.”
“Get a screen protector.”
And above all else, take care of yourself and have fun. These are some of the best years of your life to figure out who you are and what you’re interested in. Good luck, and remember, it’s normal to be nervous!
Sources: (All images were my own except for one)