What do you think of when you think of male anger? Do you think of punching a wall? Screaming? Hitting? Verbal abuse? Well so do I, and so do so many people in the world.
Male anger can be such a scary and dangerous thing that hurts so many people. The person it hurts the most however, is men themselves. We live in a sexist society towards both women and men (but obviously it’s worse for women). In this society, men are encouraged to bottle their feelings up, and never experience emotions. If they are bothered, they aren’t supposed to show it. All of this can build up and lead to a man exploding in anger, and often hurting the people around him. The unrealistic expectations of a strong, stoic man is unreasonable and it hurts so many people. This has got to change. Men have got to see that it’s okay to cry, that it’s okay to talk about their feelings. Maybe if we start accepting that men are humans with feelings and emotions like everyone else, male violence rates will go down.
Compare male anger to female anger. When a woman gets angry they are seen as “overreacting” or “dramatic”. They can also be seen as “bitchy”. This is all because of the sexism we have to endure everyday. Women are taught to contain their anger and act calm and collected, to avoind being labeled as these things. Male anger is more accepted, it is the only way men can get out their frustrations or emotions. Consider the role models men have in their lives: John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, etc. They grow up watching these men kill and fight one another, and are told that these men are heros. What does that tell young boys? It tells them that violence is okay and cool. It tells them that they own women, and are allowed to yell and hit women like they were his property. This leads to the staggering amount of domestic violence perpetarated by men today. This is NOT OKAY. Something needs to change. Men need to start going to therapy, and need to be encouraged, not vindicated when they show emotion. They should not have to be left with bottling up their emotions so that it explodes in the end. It’s 2019, we need to start thinking about how men are hurting under this sexist society, and we need to start encouraging men to get help for the things they’ve been socialized to believe their entire lives.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with being angry. Sometimes a person just needs to be angry. It can be healing and calming to get your frustrations out, but when getting those frustrations out include violence and verbal abuse, there’s a problem. I can’t tell you how many men I know who have bragged to me about how many holes they’ve punched in a wall because of a fight with a girlfriend or a fight with their parents, or whatever they are angry about. They’re not only not ashamed of it, they brag about it! How is punching a wall and damaging property an okay way to get out your anger? And who is to say that maybe if your boyfriend is mad at you and punches a wall, that next time it won’t be your face? Where is the line? Think also of how often men resort to yelling and screaming when they’re angry. It’s really scary, and no one likes to be yelled at. It sometimes feel like men only know how to get their anger out by screaming and hitting. There’s no rationalizing with men at this level of anger. The solution for these men is to GO TO THERAPY. There’s no other excuse. If you don’t learn how to control your anger in a healthy way, it’s going to hurt the people you love. Please. Go to therapy.
The Tumblr post above puts it into maybe more succint terms how women feel about male anger. It scares us, it embarrasses us, and it can even kill us. This is all because this type of male anger is so normalized in today’s society. So many movies, T.V. shows, books, have protaganists that act in this exact way, and they are idolized. Men aren’t taught to remain calm and reasonable like women are expected to. So many times, women are at the recieving end of this kind of toxic anger and it’s not okay. It’s terrifying, you don’t know what’s going to happen. You don’t know if this is the time that he’s going to go too far and hurt you. Women are truamatized and have become terrified in their day to day lives so as to not upset the men in their lives. We women are expected to bear this anger and be okay with it, but we shouldn’t be. It’s not on us to fix angry men, it’s on angry men to fix themselves. Men need to start going to therapy and getting help for things they’ve been socialized to believe their entire lives.