“You can’t be afraid of making mistakes. If you make a mistake, it will make you stronger.”
A close friend of mine was trying to give me pep talk in high school when she decided I was too much of a goody-two-shoes. We live in a world where people talk about “regret” like it only happens when you don’t go for something and when it relates to missed opportunities. I have regretted not playing more sports in high school, not putting more effort into studying for a class and not sticking with piano lessons when I was eight. These are all things that would have built up my talents or helped me to get ahead. What I regret more than these things, though, are the mistakes I made that set me back. The things I did do.
You don’t always regret not doing something. In fact, I think it’s a myth that most people die wishing they had done more with their lives. They could die wishing they had done more with what society views as “the simple” life instead; strengthening relationships through, I don’t know, gardening, or meditating at 24 Hour Fitness once a week.
My counterargument for my still very close friend? I would say the stronger person looks at what pain certain decisions brought the people around them, and learn from their mistakes.
This is a vital lesson humans have a hard time learning. I get it. I want to connect, I want to know how every person feels. I put myself directly in their shoes by getting into the same mess they did. Great. Now I feel like they do. Now I can sympathize fully. But now I have also set myself back.
What’s more important? Fully sympathizing with the people around you and therefore just being another person who has created a setback for themselves; creating that domino effect that contributes to a societal setback? Or being the person who learns from those around them so then becomes the inspiration, the help, the leader and the guide?
We are obsessed with regrets. We are told to “live a little.” What is the term “living” really referring to, anyway? Does it mean you have to constantly have adrenaline rushes? Or travel every other weekend? Or can it mean you find inner peace in reading a good book and deciding against a spontaneous road trip to Moab?
This is what makes us individuals and unique. Isn’t that what we are trying to express each and every day? That we are all special and unique and different? You can be all of these things without doing it outwardly. You can be you while rejecting hookup culture, or tattoos or in being a traditionalist.
Looking at the choices other people have made and concluding that they did not bring them joy or peace may prove that you are the stronger one. Don’t let someone else try and tell you otherwise.
Now, I am not all traditional. In fact, I think that tradition can and has set society back in certain aspects. I embrace change, and rainbow-colored hair, and body art and travel. But I haven’t lived any less if I haven’t done any of these things, and I haven’t lived any more if I have.
I don’t hang on to my regrets, but I acknowledge that I may have been better off if I had made a different choice. Doing something that deters you from reaching your best self is cause for feelings of regret. And that is okay. It doesn’t mean you lived more. Yes, your strength in getting through the obstacle can make you stronger than before. But you can consider that maybe you would have been in a generally better place if you had chosen differently.
You are allowed to feel like you should have rejected what you once thought could be a “missed opportunity.” You do you. Make choices that edify your potential. Do what will make you more fulfilled. It is most likely different than what makes the next person feel fulfilled. Learn from those around you, and don’t fall into the trap of being pressured to try something just because you may seem boring to someone else if you don’t.