The age of Tinder, casual sex, and hook ups turned booty calls has drastically changed the way we view and treat sex. Gone are the days of sex being a quiet matter, meant to stay within the confines of a relationship. We’ve become accustomed the absolute casualty of answering a “Are you up?” text message with throwing on a pair of shoes, grabbing a coat, and heading for his house. Specifically, in the college world, it’s seen as a casual night of having fun – nothing more and nothing less. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
We all know how the story goes. Whether he texts you, and is absolutely smashed or completely sober, the conversation typically begins well in to the hours of the night. He’ll never text you during the day, and it’s outrageous to think that he’d even text before 11 PM. But when that Snapchat notification comes rolling in, it seems like you can’t help but to say yes and head for the door.
Being a booty call can be an interesting role to give to oneself and it can be fun – if you’re careful. Just like anything else, remember that it’s important to be fully aware of the situation that you’re getting yourself into. Because while this whole thing can be fun and casual, it can also turn in to a full on shit storm, if you aren’t smart about it.
DO.
Be direct. If you’re getting a notification from him at 12 AM, and it’s a lazy ass “are you up?” followed by “want to hang out?” don’t be naïve. His intentions are crystal clear. This means that there should be no surprises. If he wanted to move the relationship forward, he would ask you on a date, ask to hang out in the middle of the day, or even invite you to a party. A date in bed is not a date. Remember, being direct goes both ways. You should be honest about your intentions and wants from the get go. Don’t create a mess for yourself by being dishonest with both yourself and your partner – nobody wants that drama. Being honest from the beginning will just allow for you both to be able to let go, and enjoy the moment, without getting caught up in the details.
Be courteous. People are busy. We’re all in college, and most of us work or are involved in some extracurricular. That being said, don’t expect someone to drop everything in order to come hang out in your bed at two in the morning if they’re busy. Being courteous is something that we should practice every day in life. It’s no surprise that we should carry that same characteristic into a relationship as casual as this one. Be courteous of timing. Once again, this goes both ways. Expect him to be courteous as well. If he gets upset that you can’t hang out because you have an exam, drop him. You can do better. Being polite and courteous will just make the whole thing go a lot smoother.
Be safe. Condoms, condoms, condoms. They are so important and I promise you – if he tries to get you out of using one – you aren’t going to miss him. They’ll protect you from becoming pregnant (trust me, that’s the last thing you want to happen) or getting certain STD’s. Being safe goes along with condoms, making sure that your partner is clean, and of course, your physical safety. If something that starts happening that’s freaking you out or he wants to try something you aren’t exactly the most comfortable with, say something!
Watch your heart. Be aware of the type of relationship you’re forming with this person. Don’t put him on this figurative pedestal, and definitely don’t have high expectations. Turning a booty call into a relationship is a huge shift, and it’s difficult to do. However, with the right person, it’s totally possible. If you’re wanting more, make that clear from the beginning. If he isn’t reciprocating those feelings, then move on. Watch your heart, because while you may be in it because you’re wanting a boyfriend, he’s most likely just wanting to get with you. And if you’re on the same page, awesome! That’s great. However, be careful and make sure not to mistake kindness or courtesy with him liking you. Especially if it only comes after you tell him you’re wanting to end things. He might just be scared that he’s going to have to find someone new.
DON’T.
Bother to get ready for him. This one is just obvious. If he’s texting you late into the hours of the night, it’s ridiculous to think that you’d show up with a full face of makeup, a cute outfit, and perfectly styled hair. You don’t have to throw on your best if you’re just heading over to his place to have sex, anyway. He most likely won’t notice if you’re putting in a lot of effort. Plus, he’s most likely putting in minimal (if any) effort at all. Just throw a sweatshirt over a comfy shirt and leggings, and call it a night.
Take it seriously. Take everything with a grain of salt. Don’t take the whole thing too seriously, or you’re just going to get in over your head. Don’t take him too seriously and don’t take yourself seriously, either. You’re free to see other people, and so is he. If you’re both willing to move forward in the relationship then that would be the time to start taking it seriously. Other than that, don’t bother. Instead, focus on enjoying your time and having fun. That’s what you’re there for anyway, right?
Prioritize him. If you’re busy or have better plans, let him know that you’re busy. You don’t have to be rude in order to say no. He’ll understand that you’re busy and move on with his night. Chances are, you weren’t his first on his list for the night, anyway. So don’t worry about it too much.
Be an asshole. This is a good life rule in general. Especially in this situation, it’s important to not be an asshole. Don’t kick him out immediately after you have sex if he’s over at your place – that’s just bootycall foul play. Offer a glass of water, and throw on some Netflix. It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t put up with him being rude, either. You shouldn’t put up with attitude from anybody, especially not from a booty call. Don’t be an asshole and expect that same level of respect back. If he’s continuously an ass, lose his number. You can do better. And if you’re the one being an asshole – get it together.
At the end of the night when all is said and done, you’re most likely tired. If he’s not a shitty person he might ask or offer that you spend the night – especially if you’re super tired, drunk, high, live far away, the weather is bad, or all of the above. If you’re comfortable with it, spend the night. If he’s at your place, do the same and extend the offer. But don’t think that this is a step forward in the relationship. Don’t mistake courtesy with him liking you, or wanting to move forward.
Take care of yourself while involving yourself in a relationship such as this. Make sure that you are being honest with yourself (and your partner) on the basis of your expectations, needs, and wants. This will allow you to safely have fun, and not have to worry so much about the little details.
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