It seems rare to have a long lasting and successful relationship all throughout college. There are so many different changes and factors that could tear a relationship apart. However, if you really want to make something work, there should be nothing stopping you! Here are 8 pieces of advice on how to have a long, happy, and successful relationship from couples who have managed to make it work throughout college.
1. Make a commitment that you are not going to break up
“My boyfriend and I made a commitment about 2 years into our relationship to each other. We realized that we wanted to stay together through the good and bad and we stopped saying things like ‘well maybe we should break up’ when we fought. Instead, now when we fight we think ‘do we really want to let this argument about who is messier end our relationship’ the answer is no, so end the fight right there. It has made arguing about things (a completely normal and healthy aspect of a relationship) a lot less stressful because we are simply looking to say our piece and then move on and be happy again.”
2. Say “I love you” often
“Tell each other you love them all the time. I don’t believe in the ‘I only say I love you every now and then when I really feel it’. Hell No!!! Your significant other should feel the love ALL THE TIME and constantly let you know that! End each phone call with an ‘I love you’. Before you leave their house or just leave their presence in general, say ‘I love you’. This constant reinforcement will help you become confident in their love and affection for you.”
3. Take the Love Language quiz and utilize it
“This quiz is so helpful for couples! Everyone was raised differently, and the way that they were brought up and shown love as a child is usually how they want to be shown love as an adult. The way that they want to receive love could be completely different than the way that you need to be shown love, and that is completely okay! This quiz will let you both know the top ways that you need your partner to show you love. It could be through acts of service (doing the dishes) or words of affirmation (constant ‘I love you’) or simple quality time (just being in their presence). Knowing how your partner wants to be shown love will help keep your relationship strong and will strengthen the ways that you feel love towards your partner.”
4. Set aside time for them
“If you really only hang out with your partner when you’re with friends and going to sleep it will be quite hard to form a truly deep connection. You need to make sure that you’re setting time aside for them and them alone. This time is when you can really get to know the other person and realize more reasons why you love them!”
5. Do not compare your relationship to anyone else’s
“Realize what you have with your partner is special and unique. Constantly comparing your relationship and significant other to other couples will only poison your relationship. Instead of starting arguments with ‘so and so hugs his girlfriend all the time in public’ try to make the statement more about yourself: ‘I want you to hug me more when we are in public because it makes me feel loved and wanted’. By not bringing other people into your relationship, you’re going to help keep yours stronger. Nothing feels worse than being compared to someone else.”
6. You are not going to love everything about your significant other
“Understand that you won’t love everything about your partner, but you love more than you don’t. I read an article once about the 80/20 rule. This is a theory that says you will love 80% of what your partner does and will dislike 20%. Maybe you wish your partner was funnier, or cleaner. If you end a relationship with someone because of the 20% they’re lacking and move on to someone that only possesses that 20% of what you want then you’re now missing the 80% of what you loved and wanted in a partner. This article can explain it better. Just understand that you will love more about your partner than you will dislike, and you need to focus on the positives rather than the negatives.”
7. Be intimate
“Be intimate with your partner in whatever way is best for you! Being intimate with your partner simply means setting aside private time to really get personal with them. If you are intimate often with your partner you will show them that you love and appreciate everything that they have to offer and that they are a priority in your life.”
8. Move on from the past
“If you constantly harp on issues that you had in the past you can never move forward in your relationship. Make sure that once you have gotten over an issue, it stays that way. Constantly bringing up old arguments or wrongs that your partner committed can only send your relationship backward.”
Every relationship is different. If you celebrate your partner’s uniqueness and your personal love story then you are sure to have a long and successful relationship.