7 Trends Men HATE, Unless They're A Dark Winding Path in a Mysterious Forest

We know there are some women's fashion trends that are total man-repellant! Here’s a guide to which ones to avoid if you’re looking for love, but make no difference to a dark, winding path in a mysterious forest.

1. STILETTO HEELS

Men! Sometimes short, and with hearts made of glass, will be frightened and intimidated by your towering frame. Winding trails, leading into a gloomy woods shrouded in mystique, on the other hand, do not care what footwear you don.

2. CAT EYELINER

Men may mistake this makeup style for wings attached to your eyeballs, and be frightened by the possibility of your eyes popping out of their sockets and flying away. Forest roads, littered with leaves, twigs, and the threat of beasts hiding in the shadows fear nothing. 3. HIGH WAISTED JEANS

Honestly not sure what men have against these, they’re cute as hell. Did you just hear a bear? I definitely heard something snarl in that bush. Oh god it’s moving. Where is it going? Did we scare it off? I think it was your high waisted jeans. Holy shit.

4. BRIGHT LIPSTICK

Reminds men of their deep regrets. Blue lips for the tears their mother shed, purple for the wounds in their core from the mistakes they’ve made, green for the success that will forever be on the horizon, out of reach, never in their hands. The trees shudder, the leaves quake, but it is the wind, not your lipstick. Or is it the wind?

5. OVERALLS

Are you a farmer? He may ask. Have you tilled the earth? Have you worked for your daily bread, toiled in the sun for scarce crops? His ancestors did. The forest path toils for nothing, save what lies on the other side. Overalls are actually a fairly practical choice.

6. PEPLUM TOPS

That which they cannot name will strike fear in them. The shirts, but they flare out like a dress? They do the thing, at your waist, you know? Like a little dress, but, with pants? You know? Those! The terror sets in. The peplum shall thrive. As shall the woods, and all of their secrets.

7. FAKE/ACRYLIC NAILS

They see the claws, and know you have fought for something greater than they can comprehend. They see the strife, the suffering that comes with the growth. The forest understands, if anything beyond indifference, the path in the mysterious woods which winds to an indescribable destination is proud of your fierceness, glorious in your feminine strength and virtue.

In conclusion: wear what you want to wear, boys are trash, and the winding and elusive path in a forest shrouded in mystique is indifferent, if not proud of your fashion choices.

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