Romance movies give us one idea of sex: a couple, both of whom are slim, young, and conventionally attractive, passionately making love in dim mood lighting, probably while waves crash on the shore outside of their mansion. Sure, it’s hot, and probably fun to watch, but anyone who has ever had sex can attest to the fact that sex isn’t actually like that. At all. Real life sex can be awkward, messy, and even funny; but it’s still pretty effing great. However, if you and your partner seem to be encountering the same problems over and over again, there might be a quick fix that can make your sex a little more like the movies. Below, some of the most common sex problems, and how to solve them.
The problem: You’re not wet enough, and sex is uncomfortable.
The solution: Two words. One, foreplay. Foreplay isn’t just a preview that comes before the feature presentation, folks! Making out, touching, massaging, and oral are all perfectly valid activities on their own, and you and your partner should take your time and enjoy them before rushing into the actual act. If your partner is rushing you, gently suggest that you spend a little more time doing whatever you’re doing to make sure you’re ready. If foreplay isn’t enough to get you going, then move onto the second word – lube. I know, lube sounds scary and intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. Even if you have no problem getting wet, lube can make things run that much smoother, and make sex more enjoyable for all parties. Seriously, try it.
The problem: It feels like you’re always giving oral, and never receiving.
The solution: This, like most sex and relationship problems, can be solved with communication. Sit down with your partner BEFORE anything goes down and explain that you love them, sex with them is great, etc., etc., but you’d kinda (definitely) like if they went down on you more often. That’s it. It’s might be an awkward conversation to have, sure, but if your partner cares about you, they’ll be willing to listen. If they get hurt and upset or flat out refuse, consider finding someone who cares as much about your pleasure as you do about theirs.
The problem: Your partner has a penis, and it’s too small for sex to be enjoyable.
The solution: Much like selfies, this is all about the angles. If your partner is too small for you to get enough sensation, try having them sit up and get on top on their lap. This position allows for deeper penetration and is also great for clitoral stimulation. If you don’t feel like being on top, try lying flat on your stomach and have them lay on top and enter you from behind. Not only does this allow them to go super deep, but the forward angle also pretty much guarantees they’ll hit your G-spot.
The problem: Your partner has a penis, and it’s too big for sex to be comfortable.
The solution: This actually does happen, and it HURTS. Fortunately, there are solutions, so you no longer have to worry about your cervix crying. If they’re on top, have them scoot down your body a little so the angle isn’t so intense. You can also try the “spooning” position, which puts your butt in the way of them thrusting too hard. Of course, if anything hurts, always speak up and let your partner know!
The problem: You’re always doing the same thing in bed.
The solution: Again, this is another problem of communication. You should feel safe enough with your partner to speak up and say, “Hey, sex with you is awesome, but I’d love to try new things so sex with you can be even more awesome.” Chances are, they’re going to jump at the opportunity. Talk about your biggest sexual fantasies, and see what elements of those you’re both comfortable incorporating. This way, it doesn’t feel like a criticism of your partner’s skills in bed, and it eliminates the possibility of you trying something that they’re not down with.
No matter what the problem is, you should ALWAYS be in a position where you can openly communicate it and work on solutions together. Likewise, if your partner brings something up, recognize that they care about you enough to try and make sex better instead of just tossing the relationship/arrangement out the window. Sex may never be like the movies, but that’s ok! It’s way more fun to be able to grow, learn, and laugh in bed together than constantly taking yourselves too seriously.