So…you realize you are better together than you are apart and you just can’t live without them…or in some cases, this is the 15th time you would like to try again, and maybe make a few more mistakes on your list of “what not to do’s”. Either way getting back with your ex is a taboo subject, more often than not. And most people around you are likely not accepting of you getting back with your partner that you had an endless amount of reasons for leaving. Similarly, your loved ones are often not too keen about getting back with your partner who left you brokenhearted. It can be a struggle to have no support around you, let alone trying to heal from everything that has happened in the past between you and your significant other, but it is possible to make something that once did not work, to happen and to function in the best way possible. Sadly, it just can’t happen over night. Here are some things that you’ll probably want to consider before you jump back into your once familiar relationship.
1. Leave the Past Behind You
Letting go of what your partner has done while you guys were broken up is not just a suggestion, it’s a HAVE to. Living in the past of what they have done with other romantic interests while they weren’t with you can destroy perception of one’s self and the relationship you are trying to rebuild. You must realize that what you have done, or what they have done while you were apart no longer matters, nor should it be held over their head. It can be a hard thought to imagine the one you have feelings for with someone else emotionally and sexually, but you have to remind yourself that you were no longer committed to one another, that you were both moving forward not thinking that you would 100% end up back together someday. Jealousy is a terrible monster, but don’t let it destroy you. Overall, they are with you now, and they are your partner, move forward and focus on the now rather than things you can’t take back. Growing apart to again come back and grow together is okay.
2. Think of the Reasons You Broke Up in the First Place to Consider the Reasons of Why You Should Be Getting Back Together.
Before you jump back into something that ended once before, look back and reflect on why. Dig deep, and ask yourself if this is something you really need and want, or if it’s something that you are falling back into because you need comfort. There can be all sorts of reasons of why couples break up, but are your reasons something that can be worked out, and that you are able to get over and start fresh with? It’s extremely easy to run back to something you knew and to someone who you are already comfortable with, but it’s even harder to get out of a relationship again that you aren’t happy in. Ask yourself, how will it be different this time? Did I feel loved? Was this toxic or do they make me a better person?
3. The Three F’s: Forgive, Forget, Move Forward.
Being able to forgive and to forget is probably the most challenging, because not only do you have to forget what has been done while you were broken up, you have to forgive the damage that has been done the first time around. Or in some cases the 15th time…no judgment. Holding onto what has happened in the past or holding what they have done over their head is no way to move forward. You need to go in open minded as if this relationship is a new, clean, slate. Also, time apart can really change someone and provide growth as a person. If you are going back into something with the mindset that it will be the same exact way before, you probably shouldn’t be getting back together.
4. Stop Caring About What Everyone Else Will Think
Because rekindling things with an ex is such a taboo subject, you have to be okay with the fact that you might not have much support for awhile from really anyone. You should be able to make your own choices, to have the freedom to choose who you want to be with and what makes you the happiest. No one else is in the relationship that you are in. What will matter the most is you and your partner’s feelings about your own bond. Maybe even stay off of social media for awhile, and keep it on the down low to just your closest friends and family rather than making everything to the public (the public where you won’t find much support and more so gossip.) Getting back together with someone isn’t easy. Things will definitely be fragile for awhile, but biggest focus should be on how you can make it work this time around, and on healing/forgiving, not how many likes you guys got on an Instagram post or Becky running her mouth all over Twitter about why you shouldn’t be running back to your ex. Your partners support may be the only thing you have for awhile when it comes to getting back together, so focus on that.
In the end, you should do what you want to do. There is no right or wrong when it comes to figuring out your crazy love life, everyone has a different path and different experiences they need to learn from. Try not to let others judgments of you ruin a chance of finding something that may be only once in a lifetime type of love.