I’m convinced that time and age is a mere figment of imagination in Hollywood. MILFS grace the streets, 24 year olds consistently play high schoolers in movies, and boobs get perkier with age. After finding out this past week that Nicki Minaj is 10 years older that Cardi B, I decided to take matters into my own hands and uncover Hollywood’s craziest ages that make me question my whole existence as an entertainment industry obsessed 18 year old girl.
- Carly Rae Jepsen, 32 Call me maybe… on a frickin Nokia 3310 are you kidding me.
- Ellen Degeneres, 60 Okay at least I have 42 years to become as cool as her.
- Alexis Bledel, 37 Gilmore Girls??? More like Gilmore Women. I’m gonna cry.
- Martha Stewart, 77 The queen of crafts was born in in 1941. Did her extremely thrifty talent end the Great Depression?? Am I jumping to conclusions?? Is it okay to serve cocktails in hand painted mini squashes for Halloween?? Just Saying.
- Lorde, 21 Barely able to legally drink, I think we can all agree Lorde is hands down a spiritual Dumbledore.
- Kate Upton, 26 If she’s 26, I’m 26. Hot damn.
- Taylor Swift, 28 This explains her new album… mid life crisis DUH.
Gabrielle Union, 45 Wait…Okay…Hold on… Yep…This chick was 30 years old when she played a lead cheerleader in Bring it On.
Jennifer Lopez, 49 The BOD. The HAIR. The SEX. Everything screams 35.
Sia, 42 Okay, why did I think the chick was like 24.
Cardi B, 25 “I ain’t no princess, I’m a gangsta. AHHH AHHHHHH”- Cardi B. You’re also halfway to 30, but who’s counting.
Nicki Minaj, 35 Even freakier, “All I do is Win” was released EIGHT YEARS AGO.
Kourtney Kardashian, 39 The oldest of the sisters, and I’ve got four letters for you. MILF.
Gwen Stefani, 48 Mother of three, this goddess defies aging.
Rachel Mcadams, 39 STOOOOP. The Notebook… Wedding Crashers… Mean girls… It’s all coming back to me
Mel B, 43 My B, I thought this hottie was well under 35
SO in conclusion… age is a distant afterthought in the world of celebrities. As is gas prices, extra guac, and affordable skincare. These women defy the clock whether looking older or younger than their actual age. We love them regardless. After all, age is just a number. (talking to you Ryan Renolds)