Dear Girlfriends,
Learn from my mistakes.
1. As exciting as giving and receiving gifts is, the best gift is one you can share.
The entire month leading up to Valentine’s Day I was stressing about what to get my partner. Sure I could drop $40-100 on a nice watch, but it all seemed impersonal. Even though my gifts were a success, I realized days before that instead of going to a nice dinner and giving each other things, we could’ve spent that money on a nice retreat up in the mountains. Snowbird decided emailing me about these Valentine’s Day specials on Friday was a kind gesture. As much as everyone loves something we can keep and use, if money is not the issue, don’t think twice about booking a hotel room.
2. Don’t go to Hallmark, just pick up a pen.
Ok, so this one was not actually a mistake because I’ve always been a firm believer in cards. I think the reason a lot of people don’t write “love letters” for their partner is because they think they aren’t good writers. You don’t have to be! The messier your hand writing and grammatical errors are, the cuter it is. It’s something they can always keep with them and smile. I even tried to pick out a cute “Hallmark” card for the first time, and as cute as it was, the hand written card was definitely more meaningful.
3. Having a nice dinner is great, but it’s not a necessity.
I’ve never had a more formal dinner in my life, but I’ll be honest, from the moment I sat down I felt extremely uncomfortable. I tried crossing my legs and bumped them on the table, I tried keeping my back straight and I just felt like I was in a cotillion lesson and my boyfriend was the instructor. If I could have that same dinner in the comfort of my own home, it would’ve been amazing. It’s fun to play dress up sometimes, but if you have to bring a pocket sized dictionary to dinner, it’s probably a little too much for your young love. As I type this, I feel like I’m betraying my mouthwatering meal, I had a dream about the butternut squash last night, I just can’t give it up. Eating dinner the next day was probably the most melodramatic first world problem I’ve ever had. I think I stared at my Mac n Cheese and salad for a good 10 minutes before I could get myself to eat it.
4. Don’t stress about looking perfect.
Yes, my feet feel great and my nails finally don’t look like a 5 year old did them, but getting a mani-pedi the day of was yet another thing I did remorsefully. Valentine’s day should be about your relationship, and even though I wanted to look perfect for him, I realized not long after that I much rather have him beside me getting a pedicure. (Yes, boys like pedicures, even if they don’t admit it; trust me, they may not put it on their snap chat story, but they sure as hell won’t complain).
5. Make every decision with your partner in mind.
Ok, so my boyfriend doesn’t like chocolate and I love it. I made a sort of silent vow that if there was chocolate cake on the menu, I had to get it. I mean I never usually do because of him, but, come on, which would you get: “Chocolate Decadence” or “Mango Sponge Cake”? Even the name sounded sexy.
Well, let me tell you, I guess a part of me thought he would suddenly decide chocolate was a good thing, and like it, but instead, with every bite I took, I looked at him and felt remorse. Moral of the story: get Chocolate Decadence on your own time.
*Pro-tip: you can get it at Martine’s Cafe. You’re welcome.
6. Always save space for sexy time.
This one is pretty straightforward. Your dinner could’ve gone terribly or wonderfully, but if you save space for some intimacy at the end of the night, you can’t go wrong. Whatever embarrassing question you asked the waitress will be ancient history by the end of the night. Intimacy is one of the most important aspects in a relationship because you’re opening up to them in the most vulnerable of states: lust.
7. If you thought about him when you saw it, chances are, it’s a good gift.
This kinda goes along with the whole ‘should’ve retreated to Snowbird Resort instead’ thing, but the thing is, he may really want a new shaver or shoes, but that’s just something you got to leave to his mom. I’m sorry but buying your partner something so impersonal just feels wrong. If you see something that reminds you of them somewhere on June 7th or February 14th, buy it. The first impression you have about it is probably true. They will like it. It’s the small knick knacks so representative of them that are fun to give, and if you go for the watch, at least do a cute inscription.
8. Don’t treat it differently than any other date night.
Don’t get me wrong, it is supposed to be special, but if you put pressure on it to be perfect the whole week preceding it; it probably won’t turn out that great. Be yourself and stop thinking so much.
9. Spend the entire day with them, not just the night.
Is it Valentine’s Day or Valentine’s Night? Whether you’re going out to dinner or going to a movie, your main activity is most likely in the evening. Why? So you can spend the first 10 hours making yourself look pretty or buying last minute gifts? Well, stop and go on a canyon drive or grab breakfast and it will make such a difference in how your night goes. Not to mention, it will probably lessen all the pressure you most likely have put on dinner because you’re with them not just running around waiting to be!
10. Take action.
I’m obviously writing this because I made more than one mistake on Valentine’s Day, and that’s why I want to end it with something that is almost never too late to do. February 14th has passed so you can’t go back and order the sponge cake. If you’ve already written them a letter and have no problem expressing your love with words, maybe it’s time to take action. Show don’t tell. Whatever that means for your relationship, something is probably popping up in your mind right now that you’ve been wanting to do for a while now. Do it! Book the couples massage, buy them concert tickets and show up at their door with a pre-concert picnic. Be spontaneous with them in mind because that’s what’s going to show them you love them more than anything else.
XOXO,
fellow girlfriend
P.S. If you not getting a Tiffany & Co. necklace, dinner at a fancy restaurant, and a dozen roses, makes or breaks your Valentine’s Day, it’s not love you’re looking for.