We experience friendships throughout our entire lives from daycare, high school, college and careers. The ones that stick around through all the ups and downs are the ones we treasure, but sometimes the mistakes we think are harmless can cause more damage than we expect.
It’s important to know the ones worth our time and the ones that we have to cut out of our lives. Here are some advice to help you avoid being cut out and see things in a different perspective.
1. Don’t Lie
Trust is hard to gain and easy to lose. The majority of us have told little white lies to our friends such as canceling plans because we have homework or another valid excuse but it turned out that you didn’t want to go. It’s not a bad thing but do expect the same treatment if you cancel all the time.
It’s when the lies get bigger and nastier that it ends up being a problem. Just because you didn’t have $35 to go to the Zedd concert doesn’t mean you should try to swindle your friend into giving you $70 so you can buy their ticket and get one for yourself for free. You lied to your friend and tried to use their money for your own gain. How do you get yourself out of that mess when you get caught? For some people, they’ll keep lying and take it to their grave.
The best advice is to own up to your lies or stop them before they start. Trust is extremely fragile so when you have it, don’t lose it because it’s not easy to get it back. When you break that trust it crumbles into dust, blowing away with the wind, and you’re left with the memories of that friendship.
2. They Are Not Perfect, They Are Human
Not every friend will react to a certain situation the way you would, so don’t get mad at them. We all have flaws but that’s what makes us human. If your friend is having problems with a roommate and they’re afraid to report them, don’t tell them to man up and just do it. Some people take these situations differently. You might report strange behavior coming from your roommate or take matters into your own hands but not everyone reacts that way. Don’t yell at them and end the friendship just because they didn’t say something. You’ll end up regretting it.
Holding a grudge against your friend for something they did will not benefit you. Learn to forgive even if the friendship is over.
3. Keep An Open Mind On What They Like
We have things in common with our friends but at some point they’ll like something that you might find strange or have no interest in. It could be a type of TV show, music or hobby they like that you don’t. A piece of advice is to try it out or listen to them when they talk about it.
If they like a certain TV show and they want you to check it out then at least watch the first episode. The same goes with music. For example, if your friend likes dubstep then give it a chance. If they like foreign music, ask what their favorite song is and listen to it. You never know you might become a fan.
No one is forcing you to like what they enjoy but saying things like ‘that’s stupid’ or ‘it’s just a phase’ will only give a bad impression and hurt feelings. There’s a reason why they like their hobbies, music or TV shows so make an effort to listen to them. It builds trust and they feel confident that they can have someone to talk about their favorite things without being judged.
4. Balance Friendships and Relationships
It’s probably one of the hardest things people go through when they start a relationship because all they want to do is spend time with their significant other. However, it’s not an excuse to ditch your friends. Don’t ditch your friends just because you’re in a relationship. Learn to balance them out.
I’ve had friends stop hanging out with our group because they wanted to spend time with their boyfriend. One in particular was very clingy to her boyfriend and was practically attached to his hip. Her boyfriend told her she should hang out with her friends but she refused, saying she wanted to be with him instead and that they don’t understand how she feels. I had to remind myself that she turned very clingy whenever she had a boyfriend.
Friendships and relationships can be balanced out. What makes it impossible is the decision you make. If you know your partner’s schedule then make time around that to hang out with your friends. Call them up, make plans and have fun. After you’re done then you can spend time with your partner.
Another option is to take your partner with you when you hang out with your friends. It’s not the most popular option for many reasons though. It could be that your friends don’t like your partner, they feel awkward when there’s too much PDA or you end up ignoring them. However, if your friends are fine with it and you two join their conversation then this option can work. Also, it’s usually easier when you’ve been with your partner for quite some time. Everyone gets along and you’re able to find that balance.
5. Friends Come and Go
This is a part of life that we have and will experience. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known your friends they will change for the better or for the worst, and sometimes you change as well. The late night chatting and meet ups will decrease and eventually friends become acquaintances. It’s your decision if you want to stay with them. If they don’t want you in their lives then it’s time to let them go.
It might seem like your days won’t be as bright and you’ll have moments where you miss them but always remember that you’ll meet new people. There’s a chance one of them will blossom into a new friendship you weren’t expecting.