To my friends that are mourning their most recent relationships:
Your feelings are 100% valid, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. This may be a trying time for you, but don’t worry. I know how strong you are, and I know that you will make it through this, better than you were before him. You do not need him to make you feel whole. You are spending the rest of your life with YOU, so make sure to take care of yourself the best you can. If this means deleting all of your social media accounts for the time being, then delete all of your social media accounts. If this means that you cry on the phone with me at 2 AM, baby, let all of those tears of anger, sadness, and frustration out. He does not deserve you.
When I went through my ultimate worst break up, it sucked. I spent a lot of time by myself in the following months, getting to know myself, or the post-relationship version of myself though, and it was amazing. I re-fell in love with who I am, I figured out what I wanted out of my life (well, at the time, because this is constantly changing), what I liked, and also embraced being a single gal, because it meant more time for my friends, the people that truly love me for who I am, and won’t ever let me down.
I think that this is an important time for you to do the same thing: take some time for yourself to heal, and be patient, because it does take time. Spend time reflecting on the good parts of your relationship, but then after you are satisfied, write a letter. Thank that person for all of the good times. Everything that she or he taught you. The laughs. The experiences and places that the two of you went together at odd times. After you get it all out on the page, print it, and burn it, bury it, shred it- just let go of it. Let go of the anger.
Think of this process as the seven steps of grief- because this is what the break up feels like. As time goes on, the pain begins to loosen, you’ll find yourself again, or create a new version of yourself. During my process of this, I often found myself growing frustrated that I couldn’t return to who I was before this relationship. However, as soon as I accepted that this experience had just turned me into a new person, I decided that I was okay with that. I always say that I would rather have known this person and these experiences and suffered the pain of after, than to not have had known him at all. And although I can still feel the weight of my old pain inside me sometimes, I have come to nurture it and appreciate it as a part of myself.
Someday, my friend, for both of us, there will be significant others that cherish us, just as we will cherish them. We will then both be thankful for our past relationships and the learning experience that came out of them. You may not be at that point yet, and that is okay. Remember what I have told you a hundred times: Your feelings are 100% valid, and be patient with yourself. You have to live with you the rest of your life.
HCXOXO,
Hayley Garron