Over the past month, something truly terrifying has happened to me. All my feminine friends now have significant others. And I’m not talking situationships or incredibly awkward but hopefully rewarding talking stages. I’m talking about full-blown relationships. They have gotten off the single yacht and stepped onto the fertile (yikes) land known as Happily-Committed-To-Another-Person Island. They’re happy there and I’m happy for them, but, and this is a big but, sitting all alone on my single yacht (and it is a yacht;–disco ball included) can be a little sad and I miss them.
I know they’re not gone, and I’ll be the first to admit that I mayhaps be acting a little dramatic about the whole situation. However, the subtle shift that happens when your best gal pals get into a relationship should not be understated. No longer can they trek across town to find a place that sells a 10-dollar, 60 oz margarita to share at 1:30 in the morning on a Monday night. Which, after consuming will make you hold onto each other to stay somewhat upright (this endeavor will be unsuccessful, one of you will be on the ground at some point). While saddening, the dawn of my friends’ relationship phases of life has also led me to reflect on the importance of feminine friendships.
I should preface what I’m about to say next with the disclaimer that while I have dated a bit, I have never put much effort into being in a committed anything. I’ve always felt like I didn’t have time to date and there were always other things to be doing, like reading, watching a movie, going to an EDM festival, deciphering the Da Vinci code, and figuring out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop. What I have put a lot of effort into however is maintaining my feminine friendships. My best friends are amazing. They’re brilliant, hilarious, odd, and everything in between, I love them wholeheartedly.
The bond that feminine people have with other feminine people is strong and most of the time vital to their happiness. According to the Psychology Today article Friendology: The Science of Friendship the levels of commitment that feminine friends have towards each other will inevitably vary over their lifetimes. Despite this, many feminine people know that when crisis strikes true friends can be counted on to offer support regardless of any inconvenience or barrier that might arise to stop them from doing so.
Speaking from personal experience I can see how this would be true. My best friend Meaghan and I have been friends since high school. We met while doing work for an environmental nonprofit group and have remained friends ever since. Our friendship has changed in so many ways over the years, we don’t get to talk to each other every day and only get to see each other in person about three times a year due to her still living in Massachusetts and myself now living in Florida.
Throughout this time, I have dated a few different men and so has she, but the one constant thing for both of us has been each other. If you listen to other feminine people, I think you’ll find that the same is true for them as well. Feminine friendships are invaluable, these are the people we rely on when we need to throw ourselves extravagant sympathy parties (related to a pity party but only distantly) or celebrate our dog’s birthday. They hype us up when we see a cute person at a bar (for the 21 and up crowd), fix our shirt tags when they’re sticking out, and offer unconditional support when they know we need it.
Platonic relationships provide a safety net against the tumultuous emotions associated with romantic love. We fall back on them in times of strife and offer them a safe place to land when necessary. Our friends have our back like no other person will, they are the family you choose and who will choose you back.