It took me 20 years to figure out who I truly am as a person. As I have started new stages in life, let it be elementary, middle, high school and even college, I felt the need to change myself to fit in to the popular group at the time.Elementary school was the exception. Who am I kidding, the only thing I was worried about at the time was learning the language and getting used to a new country and culture.
Throughout and during middle and high school I tried conforming into the cliques. I wanted to be popular and have attention, but I slowly learned that I was lying to myself. Those people I tried to be friends with simply did not click with me nor did I click with them. I kept asking myself, why do I need to do this? Why fake a smile, fake laughter and hide who I truly am as a person?
College. I saw it as a time to begin not only a new chapter, but rather a whole new book in my life. College is the time when we can finally say we are choosing the path we want our lives to take. But yet again, I still wondered who I truly was. I felt the need to be into that “college life.” Go out partying, downtown or in the college dorms, get into a sorority and pretty much follow the typical picture movies depict for us. Once again, I felt out of place. I felt like I was forcing myself to be someone who I am not.
How do I know I did not belong? Because I was forcing myself to do certain things rather than let them naturally happen. There are about 7 billion people in this planet. Trust me, you will find those people who you will click with, those you will get along with and will understand where you are coming from. When I found those people, I became happy; I became happy and knew those were the friendships I wanted to keep.
Is it bad to want and fit in, fake a smile or not follow “the norm?” Not at all! That is the point about growing up, making mistakes, crying and laughing. It is all with the purpose of knowing where you are and where you are going in life.I can finally say I have found out who Kelly is. That introvert girl who has tried to become an extrovert. The one who prefers to drink a glass of wine and listen to Spanish music than be crammed in a nightclub with pulsating music (Once in a while does not hurt though!). I can finally say that I am happy. Happy to be who I am and happy to not care what others think of me; not because their opinions do not matter, but rather because it is me who has the wheel to my life journey, not them.