It’s a bittersweet feeling.
As a senior in high school, my main concern about college was being far enough away from home that I could be independent, but close enough that my family was still nearby. With these conditions in mind, I ended up at the University of San Francisco, a nice 6 hour drive from my family. College is something that I looked forward to because to me, it signified independence and adventure. I remember counting down the days until Move-In Day because home just wasn’t fun anymore. I had explored everything and anything I could possibly explore in my hometown. My friends frequented the same spots and I was tired of it. I was ready for something new.
Now fast forward to me in college and to the amount of fun I’m having with my newfound freedom. I’m doing things I could never have done at home. I’ve gone to In-n-Out with my roommate and classmates on a Wednesday night and didn’t return until 11 pm. I’ve gone to the movies at 9 pm, grabbed a burger, headed over to the Ferry Building and didn’t come back to my dorm until 2 am, all in one night. I could now talk to guys without my brother constantly questioning me about who they are.
In the past eight weeks that I’ve been in San Francisco, I’ve grown more than I ever did when I was back home. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it. You see, while I was moving 400 miles away from everything I knew, my friends stayed close to home and went to college together. I’m constantly missing out on what’s going on with them and their lives, as well as my family’s. Texting my mom good morning and goodnight every day and video chatting her every Sunday did little to suppress the sadness that was beginning to grow. I was missing out on so much because home is where all the people I care about are, and their lives didn’t pause when I moved away. Home is where my nephew got dressed up for his first ever picture day, and where my oldest sister moved into a new apartment with her boyfriend. Home is where my best friend is dealing with family issues and I can no longer be her shoulder to cry on.
It’s a tough situation, but I know that I would never dream of going to school closer to my home. I know I’ve grown in the short time that I’ve been here and I can’t wait to grow more. The FOMO (fear of missing out) will never disappear for me, but that’s what social media is for. And I know when Winter Break rolls around, I’ll be able to see all my friends again for our annual Friendmas.