If you’re someone who consumes any form of social media, you’ve probably heard the term “performative.” Though the term is one of the many buzzwords that took the internet by storm, resulting in its frequent misuse and out-of-context characterization, the virality of the word is really a reflection of the internet’s impact on society. And no, this isn’t one of those smug, holier-than-thou opinion pieces written by someone with zero screen time and an iPhone that can no longer update to the most recent iOS. Just a somewhat chronically online girly who’s witnessed people, including herself, fall victim to the black hole that is internet culture.
The problem with our lives being tied so closely to social media nowadays is that the lines are blurring between things that we actually enjoy and things that we’re doing to uphold a certain persona or identity. Do you genuinely like matcha, or does it actually taste like foliage, and you’re drinking it because it’s part of the aesthetic? Do you actually enjoy listening to that music artist, or have you force-fed your hippocampus their whole album because it’s the genre that reinforces your public image? I thought you said anime was cringey, yet you’re finally giving it a chance because he said his favorite show is One Piece?
A lot of our lives are heavily curated and based around lifestyle concepts that don’t actually represent us as people, which is contributing to less genuine forms of self-expression both on and offline. If your life choices are based on the opinions of other people and what they might think, chances are you might be performative. Don’t worry, girl, I had to clock myself too.
I can testify to this specifically when it comes to academics. Online, there is quite the stigma surrounding art and humanities majors being classified as “useless” and a quick money grab for institutions. The huge presence of STEM propaganda and superiority online is the reason why there were times I felt like I didn’t know what to do with my life. As someone who set their sights on being a STEM major, I absolutely love the life sciences, but I’ve always had dreams of writing and storytelling.
Instead of feeding my soul, I decided to ignore my interest in storytelling, despite literally being one of the most artistically inclined people ever, and began building my journey toward environmental engineering because it’s stable and impressively rigorous. I wasted a lot of my time and energy working toward a field that I actually didn’t even want to work in just to gain brownie points from others and be able to say that I passed Fluid Mechanics and Calc III with flying colors.
I can proudly say that after weeks of reflection and social media cleanses, my identity crisis is over, and I am working toward a career in science communication and storytelling. I was, and still slightly am, performative when it comes to academics, and I can truthfully say that it’s mentally draining.
Moral of the story: if you stop building your life with an audience in mind, your quality of life will improve drastically.