The days are blending together a lot lately, and it feels like my brain has almost become mush over the past few weeks of social distancing. I’ve had a hard time writing, feeling motivated, feeling comfortable enough to even walk outside.
I’ve seen the common feeling for many of my friends: that being outside feels almost illegal (and at certain times of the day, it technically is). So lately, I’ve been sitting at home and twiddling my thumbs – attempting journaling and to-do lists, social media cleanses, starting new TV shows… and the list continues.
My mind is fried and exhausted. How can one person find a new thing to do every day? How can I find productivity in a space that is seemingly meant for the opposite? How can I take care of myself efficiently when my usual distractions have been taken away?
I keep asking myself the same question that leads to one overall theme: Am I allowed to relax right now? Do I need to be making the most of every minute in my home, or am I allowed to take a few days and say, “Yeah, this can be done another time”?
My mind associates my home with comfort, so when it’s time to get work done, I leave and find my associated places for efficiency. And now, I am trying to navigate my way into making my home an efficient place for me – but it’s hard. We have all been pushed into a stagnant place, and finding our way around of making the most of it is difficult. We’re dealing with a complete 360, and the hardest part about this is realizing we’re not being as easy on ourselves as we should be.
I understand holding myself accountable for my lack of productivity – that at a certain point outside of my new online classes I must find ways to use my time wisely. But we are not choosing to stay home for the sake of procrastination, we are staying home for the safety of others.
I am giving myself comfort through that. I am reminded that there’s only so much I can do with my brain, and exhausting it to produce a new activity constantly is no different from how I would overwork myself with never ending outdoor tasks. Now is the time I’m focusing on my mental health just as much as the physical, and just because I’m not cleaning or doing schoolwork doesn’t equal being lazy.
Overall, I hope each of you are adjusting well to our social distancing era. I hope you’ve picked up that new hobby, found new ways to study, and finally perfected your sourdough bread. And if you haven’t yet, you’re making it through the day, and I think that’s enough.