There are certain experiences that are so intrinsically linked to memories, that whenever we have that experience again, we are taken back to the very emotions we felt in those linked memories. These “experiences” can be a lot of things: a song, a food, a movie, a show, but when I felt it this week, it was a podcast.
S-Town is a podcast that once topped the charts, and for a while, was the most downloaded podcast. There have been a few times where I tried to listen to it again, but those mediary listens never really stuck. When I listened to it again this week, and got fully invested, it felt like I was back in 2017, and I was flooded with so many memories I had forgotten., and It reminded me of even recent ones.
Something I have been very nostalgic for recently, is the connection I once had with my cousin. Almost all of my family lives up north, in New York or Pennsylvania or New Jersey, while my parents and I moved down to Florida when I was six.
I would get to visit the family I had up north every summer when I was younger, but as I got older, that started to happen less and less. Whenever I went up there, it was a chance to connect with the family I so rarely saw, and I spent a lot of it with my cousin, who felt like an older sibling to me and, but who was also closer to me in age than my brothers. I remember all the times when he would drive me around on this big lawn mower my grandpa had, or how I would get on the back of a 4-wheeler with him, and a few of my other cousins and his friends would play fight with cap guns and airsoft pistols by the lake and in the forest on my grandpa’s property.
When I was back in Florida, however, we kept in touch thanks to Xbox Live. My brothers played video games, and I got involved with them at a young age. Eventually, I convinced my parents to get me an Xbox 360. I was able to use it to keep in touch with my cousins up north by gaming with them and getting in voice chats together with these really terrible Xbox headsets.
I remember spending a lot of timeplaying Call of Duty games with my cousins, specifically Modern Warfare 3 back in 2011. I remember spending hours trying to get through a co-op stealth mission together with my cousin, or playing different survival style game modes. When Minecraft came onto Xbox, we would play together, trying to make the most massive and ridiculous castles we could.
Photo courtesy of IGN
I even grew nostaglic for the free time I had last Summer. It was a very unsteady time for me because I was really grappling with my gender identity, and a few hours after I came out to my parents, I hopped onto a game. In one of the first matches I played that day, I made friends with a nonbinary player, and we spent a lot of time gaming together for the rest of the Summer.
They really helped me sort things out, and talk about how I was feeling that Summer, and it kind of sucks that I have not really had the time to game with them as much anymore. I remember all the time we spent together in Payday 2, as they tried to get to the max level, as well as the other fun memories, like how I played a small D&D campaign with them and a few of their friends online. Last semester I was barely able to talk to them because I was really busy, but thankfully I’ve been able to keep in touch more this semester.
Photo courtesy of Overkill
Recently, I got to relive these experiences when I played minecraft with them and their friends for a few weeks before spring break. It made me realize how much I had missed having opportunities to play games with people I actually knew and enjoyed, especially when we were able to play in games that allowed for continuous communal creation.
My friend really appreciates and enjoys nice aesthetics in their minecraft world, while most of my fun came from filling out the communal map, and creating these terrible, monstrous sky forttresses that were just absolutely terrible to look at. It always made me laugh whenever someone would go on a little adventure, just to come home as night was falling, to see the massive treehouse with a brick top level, lit up by glowstone, or the massie cobblestone kelp farm.
It also felt like I missed out , as I got busy, but everyone else kept playing for a few weeks. As I hopped into the game to take some photos, I realized just how much everything had been changed, and beautified. It feels like I’ve been stuck in this position where I have to try and decide what is important to me, and as much as I enjoy spending time with my friends, schoolwork had been more important recently. Thankfully, I’m growing closer and closer to finding a balance that works for me.