How I Mastered the Art of Long Distance Dating

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for eight months now, and it’s been the most beautiful and challenging relationship I’ve ever been in. My boyfriend lives in Flagstaff, AZ so traditional dating isn’t in our cards just yet. I used to ponder why I was into dating someone so far away; is it because I don’t like Florida boys? Is it an Aquarius Venus thing? —especially since mine is in the ninth house. Is it because he can’t get too close to me, so if things fall apart it won’t hurt as bad?

Astrology and psychology aside, my boyfriend and I found a way to make the distance work in our favor. I like to think we’ve mastered long distance. But how? 

Carve out time for each other.

This is a must for just about any relationship. My boyfriend and I have movie dates every Wednesday and Sunday, it’s our version of dinner and a movie. Schedule phone calls. Schedule dates. Schedule sex. The anticipation makes it fun!

Always have plans to see each other.

Whether you just came back from a trip to see your significant other, or haven’t seen each other for a while, always have an idea of when you can see each other. Actively try to make it a reality. Your partner will understand if you can’t make it once, but will resent you if you never try.

Prioritize communication.

Whether it’s texting or phone calls, keeping up with your partner is key to making any kind of relationship work. Have boring conversations, have hard conversations, have all the conversations. Check in on each other. You don’t have to text goodnight every night, or triple text them just to see if they’re busy, but you should be able to get a hold of them at least once or twice a day. 

Understand that the distance is just for now, not forever.

Every relationship has a lull period, we’re human. When it comes to long distance, the lull period can look a lot like not knowing how to proceed next. Remember that long distance dating is not the same as traditional dating. The finish line looks different for everyone. If you love your partner and someday want to close the distance between the both of you, you must remind yourself that it takes time. Life takes us in so many directions, the future isn’t a fixed variable, and though that’s scary, it’s also beautiful. The right person will actively work with you on your shared goals. 

Remember, you are your own person. 

The thing about long distance relationships that many take out of context is that you’re practically independent since you’re far from your partner. No, not single, independent. They’re basically an exercise to strengthen that secure attachment muscle. Time zones are a thing, life gets busy, your partner can’t always fulfill every need you have. Sometimes, you have to be the one to do it for yourself. Take yourself out on a date, stay busy, and remember who you are outside of the relationship and the distance that encompasses it (See what I did there?). 

To be honest, there’s no real step-by-step guide on how to perfectly execute a long distance relationship. What worked for me won’t work for everyone; however, it doesn’t mean advice doesn’t help. Long distance dating is hard, but never impossible. 

• dating
• long distance
• love
• relationships