I was born and raised in Tallahassee, Florida–often referred to as “tallanasty” by the people who grew up there. Growing up, I often referred to the city by that same name and I absolutely hated Tallahassee. I thought there was nothing to do and that a lot of the people were annoying or didn’t understand me, especially as a lesbian growing up in a Bible Belt town. I knew once I was applying for college I wanted to leave Tallahassee as soon as possible, I just couldn’t stand being there. However, as I’ve gone off to school here in Tampa, I’ve found a new love and admiration for Tallahassee. I often find myself missing the natural beauty and queer scene of the city. I’ve also incorporated more southern aesthetics into my style because it’s beginning to be somewhat nostalgic to me. And to think this newfound love started because I listened to an Ethel Cain album, out of curiosity.
In January of 2023, I heard about Ethel Cain on Tiktok and decided to listen to her album, Preacher’s Daughter. I was immediately hooked the second I listened to “A House in Nebraska”. Her lyricism, aesthetic, storytelling, and melodies sounded like something I had been missing my entire life, and I instantly found a connection to her and her music. I started to learn more about her, and finding out that she’s a transgender woman born in Tallahassee was a surreal experience for me. I couldn’t believe a queer person from my hometown could create something so beautiful and meaningful using southern and religious aesthetics.
After learning more about Ethel Cain as a person and musician, I began to take inspiration from her music and personal aesthetic. I really started to fall in love with the southern gothic style and nature, which I realized is what a lot of Tallahassee is with its canopy roads and old southern style houses. I also started to wear camo and more vintage clothing because I saw Ethel wearing them. More recently, I’ve started to wear pearls and Lily Pulitzer skirts, which aren’t part of her aesthetic, but they remind me of Tallahassee. I style them in a way which represents my queerness while being nostalgic for the place I grew up in. Doing and appreciating these things makes me feel more connected to Tallahassee than I ever did growing up. She made me realize that queer people have an important impact on the area and that we can still take pride in where we grew up while still desiring change.
It’s insane to think that listening to one album caused such a big change in the way that I perceive my hometown. I have truly seen the beauty that Tallahassee has to offer, and I’m so happy that discovering Ethel Cain and her music has brought me this newfound love of the city and style I grew up hating.