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“The Four Agreements,” a book by Don Miguel Ruiz, is based on the ancient Toltec wisdom that is meant to free us from emotional poison, such as self-limiting beliefs and needless suffering. If we are impeccable with our word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions and always do our best, we can transform our lives into living in a heaven on earth.
Life, as we know, is nothing but a dream. We all live in this dream of the planet that forms the rules of society and beliefs. From domestication, we are introduced to new rules, and from these rules, we form our own beliefs. We learn language, which is our mode of communicating our thoughts.
Combining these elements together develop agreements. Once we affirm our agreements, we form beliefs. Don Miguel says, “The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind. Breaking the rules in the Book of Law opens your emotional wounds, and your reaction is to create emotional poison.” This is how we learn.
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We have made so many agreements with ourselves over the years. Our agreements illustrate who we are as an individual; they shape personality, feelings, beliefs and behaviors. Our biggest fear is breaking the rules from the Book of Law. We feel unsafe and we feel prone to making mistakes, which allows us to set ourselves up for suffering. This all may sound dark, but I promise you that there is a light.
Be impeccable with your word. This is the first agreement that you should make with yourself and it is a cornerstone of all four agreements. Most of the time, language is used to spread emotional poison, such as jealousy, anger and hate, but by making your word impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions and do not judge or blame yourself. At this moment, tell yourself, “I love myself,” because this self-affirmation sets the tone for inspiring others.
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Don’t take anything personally. Let’s be honest, we can be selfish human beings. This is what Ruiz calls “personal importance.” What this means is that we feed off the emotional poison from the opinions and messages we interpret from others. During domestication, we are most susceptible to taking things personally.
You know that you are awesome and you know that you are amazing, so there is no need to drain yourself. If there is someone in your life who is not treating you with the love and respect that you deserve, walk away. The separation may hurt, but your heart is strong enough to heal. With this agreement, you are freeing yourself from the fear of being judged. Choose yourself first.
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Don’t make assumptions. This is a major agreement that we all need to follow. “We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear. We don’t perceive things the way they are.” One way to eliminate our habit of making assumptions is by asking questions. Nobody sees life the way that we do, but this is an agreement that we had made with ourselves during domestication.
On the topic of relationships, sometimes we will lie to ourselves that our love will change our significant other, but this is a false assumption. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Start with clear communication, because then nothing in your relationship must change.
Always do your best. Never spend too much energy on anything because your best self is your beautiful self. There is no way that you can judge yourself when you are doing your best. Yes, we will fall, but we do our best to stand up and keep going.
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It is time to be responsible for ourselves. Focus on the present and dream about the future. We all must be aware of our environment. Without awareness, we cannot seek change. If we are not aware of our wounds that are full of emotional poison, how can we heal?
“With every agreement you break that makes you suffer, you will need to replace it with a new agreement that makes you happy.”