Being in love can be wonderful. We all desired to be loved, and be treated like royalty. We all want to find happiness with someone who makes us feel special. Yet, there are moments where that doesn’t happen for some of us. Sometimes we can’t find that special someone who will make us special. Sometimes the answer is no to that chapter in your life. And you know what? That is okay. Sometimes the season of singleness can be a learning experience.
Being single has been a lesson for me. It has been nothing but a process. If we all know the stages of grief, but not in the normal order. The first stage is denial. During my breakup, I was in denial that we were really done. In my head, I pictured that we would get back together and the break up was a big mistake. So, I went to the bargaining stage. I texted him this beautiful message about how well we are together, and how we can make this work. But, I was rejected and heartbroken. Now, I was entering the anger stage. I was angry about why he broke up with me, and I thought of everything that he did to me, and I went through an entire “Lemonade” stage. As in Beyonce’s album. Tearing up pictures, throwing away everything he gifted me, and the promises he made. For the next few days, I went into a deep depression. I was laying in bed for days. I would go to work sad. I would cry myself to sleep. As time passed by, I learned acceptance.I accepted the fact that the relationship was over. I accepted how I need to look at myself again, and see my worth. I am still a work in progress, but I am proud of where I am today.
There is a final part to the stages of grief that is not scientifically listed. Something that was hard to do, but worth my peace and happiness. My final stage of grief was forgiveness. I didn’t forgive him for him, I forgave him for me. It was time to move forward, and start a new chapter in my life. Why should I be bound to something that is not worth my growth? So, I had to forgive him. It’s hard but powerful. And I’m learning to gain my power back.
If there is one thing that I’m learning, it’s that singleness does not mean loneliness. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to die alone with a bunch of cats surrounding me. It means that I have work to do. That I need to learn to love myself again. Do I miss the person? No. Do I miss the feeling of being loved? I do. But everyday I challenge myself to feel fulfilled with myself by uplifting myself up, talking to God, and living without limitations. And if there’s ever a time where I miss the feeling of being loved by someone else, I remember:
I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don’t understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
“Flowers” by Miley Cyrus