Self-doubt is something most of us are well-acquainted with. Be it in our academic, professional, or personal lives, it finds a way to sneak in, take root, and torment us. Often, we don’t even realize it’s happening. For a moment you feel reassured, and in the next you find yourself at a standstill. Take myself, and this post for example. I’ve attempted to write this blog for about a week now, and each time it’s ended the same: with me slamming my laptop shut when I realized I had nothing to say. Nothing I wanted other people to see, at least. You see, it wasn’t the vulnerability or intimacy of writing about my feelings that bothered me, but rather how it’d be received. The thought of my writing being perceived as inadequate or subpar haunted me. Every time I wrote a sentence; I found myself nitpicking at what it lacked and how it could be better. Nothing felt like enough, so I’d end up erasing the entire thing. And so, for a week, my hands didn’t move past the cursor. Now here at am, on a Monday afternoon attempting to finish what I couldn’t for the past seven days.Â
I won’t sit here and blame myself or anyone else for experiencing self-doubt. Throughout our lives we experience and interact with situations that ultimately contribute to a rocky relationship with ourselves and our decisions. I don’t believe anyone on this earth is free of self-doubt, and so I navigate the world with compassion for everyone and their struggles. While recognizing this, I can also acknowledge self-doubt’s duality, and how we ultimately play a role in internally enabling our fears. Yes, our experiences shape us, but at what point do we take accountability for internalizing these harmful comments and events? Throughout last week, no one was telling me my writing would never measure up to my peers, or that I shouldn’t even bother because I wouldn’t bring anything new to the table. All the discouraging and insecure comments came from myself. That’s the dangerous thing about self-doubt. It’s a silent killer. You become so accustomed to the constant reluctance and inaction that it becomes normalized in your mind. Thus, you end up becoming static. It’s this stagnation that had me looking blankly at my screen. Â
It doesn’t have to be this way though. Overcoming self-doubt is a difficult feat, and many tussle with the challenge for the entirety of their lives. However, recognizing the perpetuation of your insecurities and fears is the first step in overcoming it. You can’t control what others tell you, but you can control what you tell yourself. By making a promise to yourself that you’ll attempt to achieve your goals, you’re already doing better than the day before. Now, the outcome might not always be a desirable one. It may be that this isn’t my best writing, or that someone finds it disinteresting. Nevertheless, to not act on my dreams in fear of rejection, judgment, or ridicule is nothing but a disservice to myself. I am worth it. You are worth it. Worth being heard, respected, loved, and happy. Take that leap of faith, and you might just like what you find on the other side. Â