Very similar to the 5 stages of grief, the average sorority woman faces an endless amount of troubled thoughts and struggles when it comes to finding the right date to attend their sorority function. She must find the prince charming that will be well behaved without being boring, get drunk without being intoxicated, be friendly to her friends without being flirty and not expect to come home with her unless she wants to and he follows all of the rules. But you can’t be picky… because there aren’t really that many options. Until you start to have a mental break down in chapter when your social chair tells you that you have a week to find a date and sign him up so that your chapter can bring them invitations to their chapter. In those seven days, the pressure begins. Happy Semi-Formal hunt, may the odds be ever in your favor.
DENIAL
1. I have to find a date in a week?
2. There’s no way I’m going to be able to meet an awesome guy in that amount of time.
3. I literally have no friends.
4. That’s it, I’m not going.
5. I can just stay home and watch Greys Anatomy and eat chocolate chip ice cream.
6. I didn’t even want to go.
7. The theme is dumb anyways, why would I want to dress up like a flapper anyways
8. So stupid.
9. Besides, the food at that venue sucks.
ANGER
10. I’m so pissed off!
11. I finally decide to put myself out there and meet a guy, and everyone at this bar is so lame.
12. A guy literally asked me what to explain what the social theme
prohibition, because he didn’t know what that was.
13. How did he even get accepted into this University?
14. I’m never going to find a date.
15. This is why you’re going to end up with 30 cats… Keep it together.
16. But seriously… How do you not know what the prohibition is?
17. What a moron.
BARGAINING
18. I could take somebody unaffiliated if I had to…
19. Maybe I could just go with my little?
20. He’s in a great fraternity and everyone knows him.
21. Or maybe I could go with one of his brothers?
22. I could ask him to set me up…
23. And I’ll tell him I’ll set him up with one of my sisters
24. And I could buy him drinks
25. As long as he finds me a good date.
26. I can do the whole blind date thing.
DEPRESSION
27. I can’t believe my little’s fraternity already has a social with another sorority that night.
28. This is why I just shouldn’t go.
29. I’m never going to find a boyfriend.
30. I’m gonna end up just like Aunt Carol
31. I’m so depressed all I can do is eat.
32. But who cares, because I’m not going to have to fit into a flapper dress anyway.
33. I hope they make the social an actual prohibition and no one can drink or have fun without me.
ACCEPTANCE
34. I guess I can just go alone.
35. It’s not that big of a deal anyway.
36. It’s just a date function.
37. And that way I don’t have to be responsible for picking an irresponsible date.
38. I’m going to start hunting for next semester’s date now to avoid this happening next time.