“It’s complicated” has officially gained its own personal title under the relationship status section on Facebook. It’s 2016 and we’ve invented a phone that essentially operates at the same level as a human being, a device within a car that can direct you anywhere you are in world, we’re on the brink of finding the cure to cancer, yet we cannot successfully or clearly define our romantic relationships past the point of “it’s complicated.”
Between a couple of my close friends and I, here are some of the reasons it has been “complicated” with our past partners:
They just got out of a serious relationship, they’ve never been in a serious relationship, they’re still in a serious relationship (always a good one), you know them too well, you don’t know them well enough, you’re currently in love with your best friend, they’re emotionally unavailable, they have a crazy ex girlfriend, too young, too old and my personal favorite – you find out they’ve slept with every girl over 15 and under 25 that lives in Los Angeles.
Are these just excuses? Are we just cowards warding off any true feelings we may actually begin to have or is it really just too “complicated” to move past?
In such an advanced and fast-paced world, it seems as if we are backwards in the realm of love. We are treading in murky waters filled with open relationships, commitment phobia and odd extenuating circumstances and soon it will be too late to swim out unscathed. Why is it that there’s so often an excuse, a miscommunication, some odd scenario that breaks two people in like or in love apart? It seems baffling at first that the human brain is capable of storing years of memory and flipping images right side up so we can see properly, yet we cannot get our emotions straight in terms of love. Often times “it’s complicated” in love because we let people play with our heart strings. We may be the most advanced mammals currently inhabiting this planet, but our hearts will still thump, we’ll still get sweaty palms and butterflies when we see someone we like and we’ll still say and feel things in terms of love that make absolutely zero sense.
Jacqlyn Blatteis, a student at Brown University even admits, “It’s the only thing I do that makes absolutely no sense.”
It is our hearts that let us fall for the wrong person at the wrong time, the villain instead of the good guy, the one our friends warn us about, the one who is currently in a relationship etc. It is our hearts that lead us to text our ex’s in the middle of the night, our hearts that suddenly get terrified to open up and our hearts that often times compel us to create these “complications.”
It’s hard because no one wants to put themselves at risk of being rejected, of looking stupid, of making a mistake, of having no control.
This “modern love” age is not making it any easier for us. With no labels, unclear signs and weird hook up culture paired with fear of opening up our hearts, of course there are complications left and right. People will do anything they can to self-preserve, to make sure they’re not the one to get hurt, to come out with their pride still intact, but I think many times in the process they forget they are dealing with other humans and the most fragile parts of them are that.
I think the generations before us may have been a bit closer to what love should look like. If you take a look at your grandparents per say, there’s usually no waiting to text back, no other suitors convoluting the picture, no digitized relationship status for the world to confirm personal choices, it’s just the two people and their untainted love, plain and simple.
The “complications” old couples face – kids, money, illness, are no doubt larger than that of crazy ex-girlfriends sub-tweeting about you or the debate over distance in college, yet with true love, everything seems so perfectly at ease. So I guess many times in this world, in our world, it is “complicated.” And often times we create these complications to protect ourselves, but I like to think when you finally find “your person,” whoever that may be in the end, the head and the heart merge and all of the drama and the labels, the excuses and the history fade away and it becomes really, quite simple.