Lets be honest here, wine is the perfect alcoholic drink for almost any occasion and the drink of choice for many college girls today. Whether you’re having a glass (or three) while relaxing on movie night with the roomies, celebrating yourself a nice “Wine Wednesday”, attempting to look like a ~real~ adult at the bar, or “slapping the bag” at a frat party, wine is always a good decision (except for the next morning). But, let’s face it, when deciding whether to spend the last of your paycheck on another Tobi sale or buy yourself a bottle of alcohol that costs more than $15, online shopping always seems to win. We are all guilty of drinking, and developing a preference, for the cheapest of wines. Here’s what your preferred cheap wine says about you.
Barefoot Moscato
You want to like wine, you really do. You’re the one to constantly brag about how above drinking Burnetts you are. Although you might have matured, your tastebuds have not. So you have settled for the brand dubbed “Deliciously Sweet” AKA really just some sort of sugar juice disguised as wine. You are probably also the roommate that ate all of the Halloween candy and blamed it on someone else; your sweet tooth gets the best of you sometimes, and that’s okay.
Franzia Sunset Blush
Nothing says “I’m only here to get drunk and I don’t care who knows it” like entering a party carrying 5 liters of alcohol on your shoulder like a boombox. Is “Sunset Blush” even a real type of wine? Who cares, it’s ridiculously cheap and gets you drunk and that’s all you care about. You are down to drink, anytime, anywhere. You’re probably either a freshman who just started drinking wine, or go out enough to know by now that a box Franzia is enough for you and all of your roommates to split as a pregame drink and still have enough money left over to go out to the bar three times a week. On the weekends you can either be found somewhere in Eastward slapping the bag. You love to party and you don’t care who knows it.
Yellowtail Pinot Grigio
You’re probably an upperclassman and/or have matured above binge-drinking every weekend. Unfortunately, your wallet has not matured, so you’re stuck taking advantage of the 2-for-1 sale in the Bonnet Liquors wine section while looking longingly at the high-end brand wines. You just want to relax by yourself with a nice glass of Pinot on a Friday night, preferably chilled with a few ice cubes. When your friends get too drunk, you are the one to begrudgingly take care of them. LGW at Wheelhouse is actually your nightmare. Your the type to order a glass of wine at the bar and sip on it slowly while silently judging the drunk people around you, secretly wishing you were at home watching HGTV with the house pet.
Yago Sangria
You studied abroad for one semester in Europe and tried Sangria on a weekend trip to Barcelona and now remincise by drinking this. You might even try to class it up and show everyone how cultured you are by throwing in some random chopped fruit that was in your fridge and some seltzer from Cumbies (because nothing says “im cultured” quite like a $12 jug of “Sant’gria” mixed with convienence store brand soda). Either that or you just really, really have a thing for the sangria pitchers at Charlie O’s and wish you could have them 24/7.
Carlo Rossi Burgundy
You’re that friend that everyone made go to the liquor store and pick something out after everyone threw down money. You wish you were at home getting ready, but here you are buying this jug of Carlo Rossi because, to be honest, it was the first thing you saw. Either that or you’re a wannabe Italian; no self-respecting Italian would actually drink this stuff.
SeaGlass Riesling
You’re the typical URI beach bum. Your Instagram is probably filled with pictures of you and your friends dancing at Reggae Night at Ocean Mist, artsy sunset pictures of Narragansett Beach, and wearing Free People clothing at last weekend’s darty. Your just a ~free spirit~. You probably re-crafted your last empty bottle of SeaGlass into a flower vase for your nightstand using seashells you found, didn’t you?
No matter what kind of wine drinker you are, we can all agree on one thing: wine is life.