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The Types of Guys You’re Destined to Meet at URI

With more than 13,000 undergraduates roaming around, it is truly amazing how many different people you will run into throughout your 4 years, or more, at URI. Not only do we each have our own idea of the type of guys we are attracted to, but our school has certain types of male species that we are all destined to meet. So here you go fellow collegiates, may the odds be ever in your favor…

1. The Frat Star

Even though the University claims Greek life only accounts for 18% of the student population, it seems like a whole lot more. We have all met the guy that left high school, found the fratty world, and can’t imagine how life could possibly go on after college. Please tell me again how you threw the keg through a wall last night and hooked up with 7 “dimes”.

2. The Marijuana Enthusiast

If the dreads and the long board weren’t a dead give away, the tapestries covering every inch of wall space at his house will be.

3. The Athlete

So, you noticed his amazing body and wondered why he didn’t take his talent elsewhere. Don’t get too attached to these jocks, though. Their team always comes first, and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but they will peak in the next few years.

4. The Future CEO

Because we’ve all had one class in Ballentine and met the guys who can’t wait to work on Wall St. in their Armani suits but somehow can’t manage to complete the one page homework assignment. It’s really no surprise that the College of Business is growing just as fast as the egos of these men.

5. The Foreigner

“I have no idea what you’re actually saying but don’t stop talking because I love the way it sounds and yes I’ll be your personal English language tutor.” *Plans study abroad trip to his country*

6. The Surfer

If you haven’t met a guy that surfs then you probably don’t leave your room, like ever. You really can’t beat an east coast boy with a west coast lifestyle, if only they all looked like Julian Wilson…

7. The Super Senior

I’m still not sure how or why it takes some students more than four years to graduate from URI. I like to think everyone just loves college so much that they want to stay forever. If you haven’t met the 23 year old in your Theatre 100 class yet, now is the time to introduce yourself. After being in the area for so long, these guys have serious connections.

8. The “DJ”

It’s not my place to judge, but just so we are clear having control of the aux cord at a pregame is not grounds for referring to yourself as a DJ.

9. The Meathead

If you have been to the gym at least once during your time here you have encountered this unique type of male. It seems as though they either live in the locker room or haven’t been able to find the exit because no matter what time you go, on any day of the week, your gym crush is always there to watch you sweat you a#% off.

10. Last, and definitely least; the cheater.

Remember that guy you met at the bar last weekend? Well his girlfriend of 3 years just called and she wants his favorite sweatshirt back.

Marketing major. Beer enthusiast. Lover of sports, adventures, and movies... but first, coffee.
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