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Tough Love: What You Don’t Want To, But Need To, Hear

When it comes to dating, there’s no rule book.  Each relationship is different, so any advice you get should be taken with a grain of salt.  That being said, in my humble experience, there are a few things that I have learned when it comes to men and relationships.  These aren’t the sugar-coated, comforting words your friends feed you when you’re feeling down about your man’s inability to appreciate you.  This is me calling you out on things you already know, but refuse to admit to yourself.


No, you can’t go through his phone.

If you feel the urge to go through your man’s personal business I urge you to ask yourself a few questions.  

1.  Why?

When you go looking through his phone, chances are you know exactly what you’re looking for.  If you think something is up, then say it.  Don’t snoop through his texts, calls and DMs looking for evidence of what you have already decided is true.  If you don’t trust your man enough to give him his privacy, then why the f*#k are you with him?

2.  What would he find if he went through yours?

Before you go pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.  If you’re liking the guy you used to hook-up with’s instagrams, then why are you getting mad at him for doing the same?  What does your instagram feed/your snapchat best friend list look like? HmMmMmMm?


If a guy is acting like he doesn’t care, then he really doesn’t care.

Okay so I may have stolen this piece of advice from He’s Just Not That Into You, but it’s true.  Stop trying to decode men.  They really are simple.


Stop trying to convince him you are worth loving.

When I worked at a daycare the three-year olds would run up to me pouting, “He won’t play with me.”  

My response: “Why would you want to play with someone who doesn’t want to play with you?  Go play with someone who knows how cool and fun you are.  Start your own game.”  

You hear that, ladies?  START YOUR OWN GAME.


Say what you mean.

If you aren’t fine, then don’t say your fine.  Speak your mind.  Skip the BS and drama and talk through your problems.  Instead of playing the blame game try saying “I feel” or “I think”  instead of “You did” or “You made”.  You’re never going to get what you want if you don’t make it clear.


Accept the love you think your daughter deserves.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower says,”We accept the love we think we deserve.”  You truly deserve so much more than that, which is why I have rewritten the rule as so.  If a man treated your daughter the way you are being treated, what would you tell her?  Look after yourself, and don’t tolerate being treated poorly.


Do less.

You don’t need to #MCM him every Monday/hang on his arm at every party/mention him in every conversation you have.  Seriously, if you’re one step shy of peeing on him to claim him as “yours” it’s time to address the bigger issue here: trust and self-esteem.


Stop making rules.

It is not your place to tell him who he can and cannot talk to.  It is not your place to tell him where he can and cannot go.  It is not your place.  You are not his mother.  Chill.


Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Pay attention to relationships other than just your romantic one.  You have friends and family; they deserve love and effort, too.


If it feels like a competition, then you’ve already lost.

The minute you feel like you need to put on a song and dance in order to keep your man’s attention is the exact minute you need to walk away.  As previously stated, you don’t need to convince anyone that you are worth loving.  If your significant other isn’t matching your level of effort, then just stop.  Why are you bending over backwards for someone who won’t reach out and give you a helping hand?


Be realistic.

Girls, we all make excuses for the people we love.  Some scientists think it’s our female nurturing instinct.  It’s only natural, right?  Wrong.  You can lie to your friends and yourself about the status of your relationship, but the only one your kidding is yourself.  


Walk away.

Sometimes that’s all you can do.  This took me a long time to learn, and I’m still working on it.  Letting go is not the same as giving up.  There is no shame in taking care of yourself.  If you dont, then who will?

URI Her Campus President, Campus Correspondent & Editor in Chief! Jersey Girl. Public Relations & Communication Studies double major. Class of 2O17. Usually at the beach, probably petting the closest dog.
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