Have you ever felt out of place? Have you ever walked into a room and saw nobody that looked like you, nobody who could even begin to understand or grasp what you and your people go through and have been going through? That’s how I felt four years ago when I first started attending my PWI (that’s predominantly white institution).
I grew up in a city where being a minority wasn’t something I thought about. I went to school with a diverse range of people, always, and if you were white and you happened to attend one of the schools in my city, you were the outlier. My blackness was never anything that I had to be acutely aware of because everyone looked like me or similar to me. I have had friends from all over the race spectrum and the thought of discriminating against someone because of their race never even crossed my mind. I was predisposed to an ethnic world.
Imagine my surprise when I graduated high school and went on to college, only to find out that 90 percent of the time I was one of (or the only) black person in my class. I am now a spec of color in a sea full of blank paper. When my friends and I walk around campus or even when I am by myself I am often met by curious stares by people who seemingly have never been around anyone black. My skin color is my marker, my skin color makes me stand out tremendously when once upon a time all I did was simply blend in.
Are stares out of malice, ignorance, or just pure curiosity? I truly do not know, but I do know that some kids on-campus treat anyone who is darker than them like we’re some kind of circus act when all we want to do is be treated as one. If a professor is mentioning anything about race I notice their focus will turn to me. When I am walking it’s as I am invisible because I have noticed that white people will walk directly into me as if I don’t exist. It’s not just a campus thing, but when you’re here 24-7 you start to pick up on stuff.
My freshman year was hard because I didn’t really know how to fit in, I was a little bit shy and very overwhelmed. I went from being a city girl to a country girl because coming to college was a huge culture shock. I did not want to engage in the multicultural community or any community for that matter and I certainly did not want to make any new friends. I was miserable. I remember specifically living in Hillside and all of the people on my floor were friendly with each other but never ever spoke to me. At one point one of the boys would knock on my door and run away, harmless but annoying still.
As the years progressed I began to come out of my bubble and express myself more. I made more friends and got used to the fact that this town and back home were two very different things. When I go home every other weekend I appreciate my city and all of its diversity a little bit better. I no longer have the energy to express my annoyance and impatience for ignorance. If people want to learn about other cultures it doesn’t hurt to ask and I’m more than willing to help those who are lost somehow find their way. Do I still feel out of place? Sometimes, but I am learning that in life you have to be uncomfortable to get comfortable and I am finding my peace of solace through surrounding myself with like-minded individuals.
Personally, I feel like schools should initiate a diversity course for everyone to take because it would save myself and other people of color a world of headaches and it would also enlighten people who might not be able to identify the thoughts they have and the feelings they may or may not be projecting out into the world.