¡Tírate de pecho!: Playing the L card

¡Tírate de pecho!, is a very dramatic Boricua way of saying “go for it.” Easier said than done, and  especially when used to refer to relationships. You want someone? Go get them! But doesn’t this kill the whole thrill of the game? “Everybody loves the chase,” admits Kelsins Santos, a graduate student from the English Department. Indeed, we all love it, but it gets to a point where instead of chasing, we find ourselves running into a hamster’s wheel after the memory of a prey long gone. In order for the chase to be effective, timeliness will be your best friend. But after a while, it gets old, and it leads you nowhere. 

When is it ok to tirarte de pecho then? For some, this is the only right way to go (according to my Facebook newsfeed, where suddenly everybody is fearless) Alas for their bravery! Yet, for the rest of us mortals and persistent stalkers of our crush’s Instagram and compulsive retweeters of our exes, tirarse de pecho will always be our last resource. Speaking from personal experience, I had never considered it before, until this person I have liked for so long–but have never been straightforward with–has become a ghost who intends to make my life and any effort of me moving on miserable. And so I thought that maybe the answer is to tirarme de pecho once and for all (I will let you know how that goes after a couple of tequilas and lots of traffic on this piece as a sign of solidarity).  Fortunately for me, everybody finds themselves in this embarrassing, pride-killing situation at least once, including my crush, who has hopefully been there too and will pity me.

For those who have done it, find the result relieving. “You feel like a weight is relieved from your shoulders” explains José Julián, a Biology senior. “Worst case scenario? They tell you they don’t want you. But well, at least now you know for sure.” Yet, if you have been the one someone has thrown themselves de pecho at, you may find yourself in a more compromising, embarrassing position. Nairka, a Political Science senior, found herself on a similar situation recently, at the gym where she works as a receptionist. “I am finishing up with this cute redhead’s papers and I ask him if he needs anything else. He replies ‘Yes, your number’. I didn’t mind at all, and ended up giving him my number.” So, if done with confidence and sass, tirarse de pecho may actually work for some. 

If you find yourself on a situation where tirarte de pecho seems like your only viable choice, here are some tips and possible outcomes, depending on your situation:

1. Tirarte de pecho with your crush, who doesn’t know you exist: Actually, the  least wise choice of all, yet the most harmless. If your crush doesn’t know you exist, the way to go would be probably to make yourself be noticed and start the chase, rather than tirarte de pecho (you will look like a psycho, honestly). But, if you do so because you feel like you have no chance otherwise, then fear not. How bad can it be to do a papelón in front of someone you barely know? Few to win, yet absolutely nothing to lose. 
2. Tirarte de pecho with the hot stranger at the party: Why the hell not? This is what I call the alcohol license. You do not know him/her, so whatever, just do it! Worst case scenario? Snapchat, slap in the face, or public humiliation. Best case scenario? Hookup or a good story to tell. Been there, and believe me, if there is a moment to tirarte de pecho this is it. Everybody is going to be too drunk to remember anything the morning after, anyways. 
3. Tirarte de pecho with your friends with benefits, who has certainly become something more: This situation, although awkward, is a lot more common than you think. Despite your original intentions of no strings attached, it is easy to get attached. It is almost natural for this kind of relationships to get intimate, as the “friends” factor is still there. Before tirarte de pecho with this one, keep in mind that if the attachment only goes one way, it will mean the end of your affair. Yet, it will be for the greater good, because otherwise you will end up wounded badly and without a chance to salvage the friendship. 
4. Tirarte de pecho with your ex: Seriously, this isn’t something you should be thinking of, anyhow. I mean, he/she is your ex, for  a very powerful reason. Ex, past tense, why would you want to eat your vomit? Unless you are in the middle of a shooting and they are either a cop or a surgeon, you shouldn’t even recall the existence of this person anymore. But well, if you do so, and for some odd reason want your barf back, here is a word of wisdom: MEGA PAPELÓN y súper innecesario. DON’T. EVER. 
5. Tirarte de pecho with your straight friend (or gay friend if you are straight):  Well, I do know one story in which besties became girlfriends and lived a novel romance for a while. Yet, his is not the common outcome. As painful as it may be, if you find yourself having feelings for your straight friend or gay friend (whom you are 200% sure will never go bi), then get as far away as possible and ni loco/a te tires de pecho. If you do, you may irreparably break your friendship. Maybe with some distance, the feelings will go away, and you will be able to retake your friendship without ever hurting that person’s trust. 
6. Tirarte de pecho with your womanizer friend: Haven’t we all fallen for  the bad boy more than once?  So there is this friend of yours who is smart, funny, sweet, incredibly sexy, likes the same things you do, listens to the same kind of music, and leaves you the last piece of cheesecake (wanna marry him already?) Yes. So do I, but there is a tiny biggie problem: the dude can’t keep it in its pants. This is the type of person that would be a perfect mate, except for the fact that you can’t go anywhere without bumping into an ex of his. Every time you hang out with him it feels like a parade of desperate girls chasing him. Not that you blame them, of course, because if you didn’t knew better you would probably be one of them. Yet, for better or worse you know better. What you see is what you get, and people don’t change, specially not for someone else. If you go de pecho with this friend he will gladly welcome you into his bed for a night, but that is all you could possibly get, that and to get unequivocally hurt once you realize he is a great friend but a terrible boyfriend. Do yourself  favor, stay in the friend zone. It is  for the best. 
7. Tirarte de pecho with an authority figure (boss, professor): Haven’t we all, at least once, been the victim of the merciless beauty of an authority figure? Yeah, that professor with McDreamy hair, that sexy, flirtatious instructor that made formalin smell like sex and of course, that caring, sweet, handsome boss. Yeah, well guess what? Unless you want to be unemployed or hacer el papelón de tu vida in front of your professor or classmates, DON’T. There is a lot more  at stake than a fling. Your job, your academic performance, and your reputation. So if you are crushing on any of the above, it is in your best interest to tweet it or send it to RUMingle rather than tirarte de pecho. 
8. Tirarte de pecho with someone who clearly doesn’t like you back:  Word of advice: when someone likes you, you will know. Yes, the process of endorphins is simple like that, but if you still have false hopes for something that is never going to happen, then the best you can do is tirarte de pecho so they can slap you in the face how they don’t want you, so you can hopefully move on.
9. Tirarte de pecho with your best friend: I know, I know; this is the one you have been waiting for, so I had to leave it at the very bottom of the list. Well this is complicated, to say the least. Ideally you shouldn’t, but it may get to a point where the situation is out of control for you. Maybe he or she just told you about a person they like and you feel like exploding from jealousy; it happens. You only have two possible outcomes for this: the first one, he or she will love you back and you will live happily ever after, or he or she really feels for you just as a friend. Here, the way you say it and the moment you choose may mean everything, so choose carefully. The fact that you know this person more than anybody else should give you a clue of how to make it happen in a way that may turn out for the best. If this person is really your friend, you should be able to over look the fact that they may not like you back and keep up with the friendship. But losing them is always a risk that you may face.

Whether you are planning on tirarte de pecho or have been here before and sworn never to walk this road again, remember that often times, this is something you do for yourself, not for others. If doing so means you are going to feel relieved and able to move on, then so be it. For the heartbreaks, there is always tequila. You know what they say, la curiosidad mató al gato, pero murió sabiendo.