When you begin college, one of the many novelties you will encounter is the Greek World. Unless you are a legacy, it is highly likely that all you have heard about it are the popular, negative rumors. “Those are the cool kids who believe are better than the rest of us,” people say. Also, there is the “that is just for people who need to buy friends” stigma, and of course, the scariest one, “Greek people are horny alcoholics with no future.” I heard all of these before starting college, and because I wasn’t a very sociable soul throughout my first two years of college, I didn’t even bother finding out which, if any of these, were true.
By my third year of college, curiosity overpowered me. I kept meeting all these amazing people who happened to be Greeks. As I heard of their stories of missions, the strong bonds of friendship they cultivated and the amazing opportunities the sorority had opened for them I asked myself “Are they really all that bad?” When I commented the idea among my group of friends (none of which were Greek) the question they unanimously asked was, “Are you feeling lonely? Isn’t our friendship enough?” At that moment I realized two things, first, I wasn’t actually lonely, I had amazing friends and second, I risked losing them if I ever decided to pledge, since their idea of Greek was even more awful and prejudiced than what I thought of it. Yet, I chose to follow my instincts and try to figure it out by myself, so I made my way through, until I was finally invited to a mixer from the second biggest sorority on campus.
I was thrilled, I can’t say otherwise, but terrified as well. For the first time, I wasn’t counting on anyone’s support, neither my friends’ or family’s. My parents never prohibited me from it (they never do with anything) but they found a way of letting me know they were not fond with the idea at all. My best friend accompanied me to buy the dress I wore to the mixer that night, yet was hesitant about it and filled me with doubts on whether I should go or not. “You are too outspoken and too independent; there is no way you could fit into their mold. You are gonna hate it,” my friends agreed. I went to the cocktail that night with the worst expectation possible, yet things didn’t turn out quite as bad as I thought, as I received a letter a couple of weeks after, asking me formally to join the sorority.
My feelings were bittersweet. For starters, I found myself playing double agent trying to please my friends by pretending I hated it, while in reality I was really enjoying the process. I would tell my friends that I was just doing it for its own sake, but that I really wasn’t into it, because I was terrified of being judged if I told them how much I loved it, and how I was actually feeling that it could be right to actually pledge. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure what to expect from these women who could become my sisters, simply because I had no idea how the Greek world worked. I was terrified, misinformed, and very confused, as they still waited for an answer on my side on whether I wanted to pledge or not. In the end, it backfired me in the worst way possible, and I had no way of defending myself; their argument was totally valid; “You shouldn’t be here if you are not sure, if you don’t want this more than anything.” So I just decided to call a truce and not pledge.
My roomate and best friend
For the following few months, I walked in fear that my social life had ended before it even begun. I felt embarrassed about my cowardice, especially after they had been so welcoming towards me. I felt like I had failed the people I wasn’t even supposed to care about. But the feeling was there and for some time, it haunted me whether I had done the right decision by quitting, or if I should have stood by myself and be honest with everyone, with them, with my friends, and with myself, because I realized that I had let everyone else make an extremely important decision for me, instead of trusting my judgment. After this happened to me, I understood why they are so exclusive in the process of choosing who they let in, and I realized that there is nothing wrong in wanting to protect an organization you love, because if I learned something on my short exposure to the Greek world, it’s that loyalty means everything to them.
My terror for them didn’t last long, as I found out that their views towards me as an individual had not changed because of my decision not to pledge. In some strange way, this experience opened many doors for me, as I got to really get to know some of the Greek people I was exposed to during the process. This opportunity helped me to see them differently, without labels or prejudices. This is the most important lesson I learned, that if anything, you should never judge a book by its cover. It doesn’t mean that everything in there is roses; there are problems, just as there are everywhere else. But if you shift your focus from that, you might be surprised to find out there is so much more to it than that. Later on, I met my roommate, who is Greek, and I can tell you, she is one of the most amazing, strong, focused women I have ever met. I also met many, MANY decent guys, who are smart, funny, and committed, unlike the poster jerk-frat dude everyone generalizes about. These people are still individuals, and their personality is not at all shadowed because they belong to these organizations, but rather enhanced by everything they offer each other through the strong bonds of loyalty they share. I realized that being Greek doesn’t mean you are buying friends, because you don’t have to be friends with everyone in the organization. But it might be a chance to meet amazing, inspiring people that you wouldn’t have met otherwise. These organizations are mostly committed to beautiful, charitable causes that would otherwise be promoted, and the values that they portray stray far from stereotypes. There is no such thing as a “mold” to perfectly fit in. Greek organizations benefit greatly from the diversity in their membership. The only thing not diverse between them is a specific set of values and experiences that bonds them in ways outsiders might find hard to understand.
This experience changed my views on life, on people. It helped me see beyond, want beyond. It taught me that you can find diamonds everywhere, even among what people say is just a pile of coal. They are all not about rotten-spoiled rich girls looking for boyfriends or vice versa. There are women with real substance, with inspiring life stories, and with a common goal; empowering each other. Not everyone fits everywhere, so I am not promoting for people to pledge. The reason why I am sharing my experience is because I encourage everyone who has a chance to do so, to meditate on the decision by themselves, without letting anyone else’s flawed judgment influence them on it. If you do so, it will be a life-changing experience, and therefore a journey that you must walk on your own, if that is what you really want. If you take advantage of the opportunity, it might add up to a lot more than a learning experience. You will be exposed to diversity, pushed out of your comfort zone and become a part of an insanely powerful network of people worldwide who are strongly committed to each other. I can’t promise you it will make you a better person, unless you become truly committed to it; yet be open minded about the possibility. Greek people can be as great as anyone else, and joining them or not is entirely up to you.
Sincerely and forever grateful,
The girl who didn’t pledge